Reminiscent

Chapter Thirteen

Walking into my current day apartment with Evie in my arms felt surreal. It feels as though I am watching someone else's life play out. I'm only twenty years old, how could I have a husband and a child? It all feels too bizarre to be real.

"Are you okay?" Chace asks.

I nod, looking over to him with a small smile. "It all feels so weird that's all"

"Yeah" he exhales, "so Um you can take our bedroom then me and Evie can sleep in the spare room?"

"you can take the main, I'm happy to stay in the spare, " I tell him honestly.

"I wouldn't dream of it"

"Please, I don't want to kick you out of your bedroom"

My words seem to take Chace almost by surprise. He sighs.

"it's your bedroom too" Chace softens his gaze.

"Right" I nod slowly,

"It's just that room over there" he points down the hall while taking Evie from my arms.

My heart rate speeds up while I walk away from the two and enter my bedroom. I look around slowly and sigh. There's nothing familiar here. Nothing is triggering memories or feelings of comfort or security. It's like I'm standing in a strangers room.

I look at the king-size bed, softening my eyes. Which side do I sleep on? Do I sleep on the left side, closer to the window so I can watch the sunrise every morning? Or do I sleep on the right side, closer to the door? I open the nightstand drawer on the right side.

The first item I notice is a book. A white cover with a blue butterfly in the centre. Still Alice by Lisa Genova. How Ironic, I think. Next, I find small items: lip balm, gum, lavender pillow spray, blue pens, scrunches. When did scrunches come back into fashion? I furrow my brows when I find surgical face masks. Why would I own surgical face masks?

My eyes focus on a long empty orange tube. I furrow my eyes while picking up the tube, slowly reading the Label.

Diazepam [Valium] 5mg
Halia Cooper,
Take One as Needed.

I sigh, dropping the bottle back into the drawer before twisting my body to face the wardrobe. What the hell happened to me?

Slowly I opened the wardrobe, hoping to find pyjama bottoms. There were two sides of the wardrobe — One side filled with men's clothing, the other women's. I find purple pyjama pants and a deep blue short-sleeved top folded in a chest of drawers. My style in clothing had changed over the years, I wear baggy and basic clothing now, which all seem to be dull colours like grey and black.

I remove my skinny jeans and tank top slowly. Judging by my current day closet, the clothes I've been wearing since I got out of the hospital, must have belonged to Caroline. When I'm fully dressed there's a knock on the bedroom door.

"Come in," I tell Chace. The door creeps open slowly, Chace comes in with Evie in his arms. "she looks so cute in her pyjamas"

"She just wanted to say goodnight" he informs me.

I grin, holding the little girl's hand.

"you're good with her" I look up at him.

He smiles.

"Well, I learned from the best" Chace's voice is quiet and still. "Is this weird for you?"

I nod slowly.

"Yeah...it is" my voice cracks, "I just don't understand how this all happened"

"The accident...Or us?" Chace asks slowly.

I shrug, "all of it. I don't understand any of it. I feel like I need to draw up a timeline of the last six years and piece all this together"

He takes a step towards me.

"Ask me. Ask me anything and I'll tell you. I'll give you a Play by play. You'll know every action, every conversation Word for word. I'll tell you every story I have that you were apart of and every story you weren't. It'll be the unabridged version. All you have to do is ask me."

My jaw quivers while I look up at the man who supposedly is my husband, holding my child. My heart sinks.

"I wish I remembered us" tears roll down my cheeks, "I wished that when I looked at you and the baby, I would feel something more then what I'm feeling now"

I watch as my words shatter Chace's heart and soul.

"Ask me" he begs.

I sit on the ledge of the bed, looking up at the man.

"If what you're saying is true...that'll you answer every single question I have, in detail. Why won't you answer my questions about Dean?"

Chace sighs, taking a seat beside me.

"I'll tell you anything you want to know. But D—De..."

"You can't even say his name?"

"For good reason, Halia" he looks down. "...I'll tell you anything you want to know...except him. I can't talk about him"

"Why not?" My voice shakes.

"Because somethings...or some people...aren't worth remembering"

"You can't make that decision for me"

He shakes his head.

"I'm not" Chace assures, looking into my eyes. "I want to kiss you again...But only if you want me too" he whispers.

My heart sinks. When Chace looks at me, he sees his wife. When I look at him, I'm seeing a stranger. I sigh, moving my gaze to my lap, feeling nothing but guilt. I wish I remembered him. Chace seems to read my thoughts. We both go silent.

Suddenly he wraps his arms around me, Evie between us. My head pressed against his chest, beside Evie whose sound asleep. I weep in his arms, wanting nothing more than to love him.

Chace kisses the top of my head slowly, his tears falling onto my hair.

"Goodnight, Hellbound" he sniffs.

"Goodnight, Chace" I whisper.

But even then, we don't pull apart. We stay there, our eyes closed, just holding each other for as long as we could. However long time would allow us to be in this room with each other before we are forced to face reality.