CALORIES

Day Two

I woke up at 12:27pm today, I'm on summer break so I don't have to be up for anything in particular. I need to weigh myself and see what damage I have done from yesterday but someone's using the bathroom so I need to wait. The last two weeks I've just lay in bed, the only left the house when needed to like visiting my dad or my Gran. I hate socialising I get very anxious and nervous and I struggle a lot I would rather just stay home and watch tv or something or workout. Who ever was in the bathroom was out now so I went in to weight myself. I stepped in the scales and looked down. It was the same as the day before. At least I hadn't gained anything. I went back into my room and my mum called me downstairs for lunch. I said I wasn't hungry but she made me eat it anyway. I feel huge and disgusting I know that I've gain from it. I hate the feeling after I've eaten it makes
me feel pathetic and worthless it's horrible. It's like there's a voice in my head telling me how bad I am doing and how fat I'm getting from eating I hate it. I can't even work out because my mum wants us all to sit down and watch the tv together. I can't eat anything else today I won't. Tonight I'll weigh myself and see how much I have gained, I am dreading it already.
22:09
I feel horrible. My mum made dinner and she made me eat it and I feel huge and disgusting. I can't weigh myself I am too scared I know that I'm going to have gained from today. I'm hoping my period stops tomorrow so I can go swimming I can't go to the gym because it's not close to where I live and my mum doesn't like the area it's in. I'm 16 and my mum still treats me like a 5 year old. She's very strict and it's not in an over protective way she just likes to have control over everyone around her. I'm starting a new diet plan tomorrow and I'm going to be really strict on myself with it. I actually always am and I only eat if I am made to but the last few days I've eaten way too much. Tomorrow I won't be eating anything and I'm going a long walk with my dog. I am visiting my dad for a few hours so that means I can lie and say I've already eaten when I haven't. I want to be the smallest person in my classes in school, that's my goal and I know that one day I will be, I don't care if it kills me. My friends said they are worried about me and that it would be best to see a professional but they don't understand well one does but I don't really talk to her about that. I get they care but they don't realise how it is to hate yourself so much that you will do anything to lose weight to make yourself feel at least a bit better about yourself. Pound by pound I will get there. I will reach my ideal weight. I feel so fat and disgusting, tomorrow I will do anything to lose the weight I have gained today and more.