CALORIES

July 31

(A/N I've been extremely busy so haven't updated so I apologise)
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Today has been a bad day.
I ate cereal in the afternoon and then ate a pot noodle for dinner which was absolutely horrible. I had to finish it all as well as I was sitting with my mum.

I was on a camping trip for the last week and I avoided food quite well. I only ate small portions and I only ate when I had to. My mums boyfriend made a few comments but he's just a dickhead. He's not too bad actually he's never done/said anything to make me dislike him  but we don't exactly have anything to say to each other.

I feel huge and disgusting I can't do any exercise to burn it off because my mum will hear and she will say something. It's horrible it's just sitting there making me fatter than I already am.

August 1

I woke up this morning at 10:30 and had an hour to get ready. Today I am going into town with my family I'm extremely nervous as I know I will have to eat something in public. I walked down stairs to get a glass of water when my mum handed me some cereal. I told her that I wasn't hungry but she kept telling me to eat it as it's going to be a long day. I sat down on the couch as my mum and I spoke about the plans for today. I ate some of the cereal and quickly went into the kitchen and put the rest in the bin before my mum noticed I hadn't finished.

I walked up stairs and started getting read I didn't have long but I done my make up and hair quickly yet it turned out okayish. I still look a mess and ugly but it will have to do.

The day was uncomfortable and I didn't enjoy it. I had to try on so many different clothes and I looked ridiculous in then all they made me look huge. My mum kept complaining that everything was too big and we had to keep changing sized. Eventually I found a skirt that look actually looked okay and it was a size "extra small" I re read the label thinking it wasn't possible but apparently it is. However the shop must make their sizes really big so that's why it fit. My shirt is a little too big as they didn't have any other sizes but I can tuck it in so hopefully it will look okay plus I will have a jumper to cover myself up.

My family decided they were hungry and wanted to go for food. I tried to et out of it and asked if I could go buy something while they eat but my mum said she wanted us to do something together which makes no sense as we are spending the day together. I ended up having to eat something and I felt awful. I was so anxious and I couldn't stop shaking. I could feel everyone watching and I knew that they would be thinking
"She already so fat"
"Why would she eat that"
"She's so huge this is ridiculous"
I felt sick thinking about what everyone else was thinking.

We then went back to shopping and luckily I didn't have to try anything on. THANK GOD! The idea of looking at my reflection this morning was already bad enough never mind after eating. We done a LOT of walking today so I know that would have burned some calories but I probably not them all. Great now I'm going to gain.

I went home and weighed myself nothing had changed but I knew in the morning it will have increased.

August 2

I have managed to avoid food today. My mum has offered me on multiple occasions but I said no I'll make something later and she hasn't noticed that I have ate. I was going to go to the gym today but I felt ill and when I got out of bed I nearly fell over. I'm so tired and just want to sleep. I took some vitamins today because I can feel that my body is lacking them so I can use them as a substitute of food.

I baked a cake earlier for my family not me of course. I like baking them because I've never liked cake so they don't suspect anything when I don't try it.

I'm about to weigh myself and then body check. I know it won't have went down as I haven't done any exercise to burn anything but I'm scared that because of yesterday I will have gained. Finally! The number on the scale has went down! recently it has been increasing/staying the same better a few pounds because of visiting my family. We had to eat breakfast and dinner and in front of everyone and I couldn't made excuses or avoid it but now it's finally going down again! I'm glad it's went down still not low enough no where near but at least I'm again starting to get down to my target.