Before I Lose Myself -Lashton-

Chapter Five

By morning, I was already in tears and slipping my clothes on. I should've texted my mum as soon as everyone began drinking. I didn't. I was so stupid and I let Luke take advantage of me just because I love him.

Luke had told me to get out and that I was nothing more than a stupid faggot. His mum came back home as soon as those words were spoken and I swear I've never seen Luke so afraid in his life.

"Luke, you fucking had sex with the boy and then treat him like shit?" I could hear it all from outside the door as I was tying my shoes. I grabbed all my belongings and sighed.

"It's not like it really mattered. It was a dare anyway." My heart dropped. I was just an experimental dare gone wrong. I shoved myself out the door and ran through the house. The tears blurred my vision and I felt like I couldn't breathe.

I made my way out of the house just to be soaked by the pouring rain outside. I lost all care for myself as I crossed the flooding roads and became cold. After five miles of walking, I arrived home. My mum's car wasn't in the driveway and the house lights were on.

I entered my house and ran straight to my bedroom, ignoring the calls from Lauren and Harry to stay downstairs because of the severe thunderstorm warning. I slammed my door shut. My walls rumbled due to the thunder and I just crawled into bed.

The whole loving and tender moment was a fucking lie. There was loud banging on my door followed by screaming; i just locked the door and headed to my connected bathroom. I stared at myself in the mirror. My disgusting, fat, worthless self bored its stare right back into me. My phone rang from the other room signifying I had a text message.

Luke

Ashton, my mum says I have to apologize for fucking you, so sorry.

I just laughed. You don't make love to someone and then say you're sorry it happened. I don't know how much longer I can hold on.

On Monday morning, I walked to school in hopes of not being seen by Luke. I was wrong by a long shot. Luke came walking up to me with his 'posse'. Two new people stood with him. Two that I knew so well.

"Michael? Niall?" They were holding hands with their 'significant' other. They just stared at me. Their whole attitude and demeanor towards me had changed.

"Faggot, don't talk to them. They left you for my friends. You should have noticed they weren't going to be around for long." Luke shoved me back as I hit the concrete with a thud. I tried to hold back the huge tears I had forming; but, they came crashing down my cheeks. The clear liquid stained my face and left wet marks on my shirt.

"I'm sorry." I let out the words quietly hoping he wouldn't hear them; but, he did. I felt a hand strike my cheek. The stinging sensation was felt throughout my entire face.

"You're such a waste of space." Luke shoved my backpack in my face before venturing off with his new and improved posse.

I didn't even stay in that hell hole. I grabbed my bag and stuffed myself through the major crowd entering the school. I was at home before I knew it; thank god my mum wasn't home.

When I got to my bedroom, I shut and locked the door. Today was the end of all of this bullshit.

***Warning: this might be triggering and sad to most***

I pulled my phone out of pocket before sending each person in my contact list a message. Well, except my mum. She would be home in minutes. I began at the top of my list, only sending to the most important people.

Calum: I am so apologetic for not being a good person. I was never your friend, but you stole mine. I hope you and Michael work out. Just make sure he's happy. This is the last time you'll hear from me, goodbye calum.

Send.

Harry: I wish I would've been a better person to you. Treat Niall well and that he's happy. This is the last time you'll hear from me, goodbye Harry.

Send.

Luke: I will always love you, Luke. I know you are never certain about your feelings, but don't worry. This is the last night I'll exist on this earth. By next week, you'll have fucked more girls; completely forgetting that you made love to me. That you told me you love me. That you had that engagement ring in your bag with my name on it. Labeled "when he's ready". For years I believed you were the one I needed, but today I realized that you were the one that needed me. Goodbye Luke.

Send.

Michael: I don't have much to say to you since you left me. You threw me out like trash and didn't think twice about it. You won't see me again after this, so goodbye Michael.

Send.

Niall: you literally ruined me and my reputation. I hope you're happy with your choices today. Goodbye, Niall.

Send.

By then, I had received a message from Calum and Harry.

What the hell, Ashton? What do you mean?

I didn't respond nor read Harry's message as one from Luke rung in.

Ashton, baby.. I'm calling you right now. I do love you, shit. I want to marry you; I always have that ring with me. You're so beautiful, fuck Ashton..

I'll be in a better place, Luke. I smiled to myself before I walked to my bathroom and searched through the medicine cabinet.

Once I found what I looking for, I unscrewed the cap and downed the entire bottle. I ran through my life in my head as the darkness was consuming me. No one was calling me, no one was texting me, no one was home.

My eye fluttered close and that was the end. I didn't hear a noise, I didn't see a person. There was nothing surrounding me.

I was dead. I lost myself and Luke was the reason why.

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I'm personally thinking about ending this story soon. If not ending it here. If you guys want me to continue or even just write what happened to Ashton and everyone else, let me know :)