Out Of Bounds

11| Alone Together

I've been to this mall hundred of times. I knew where each shop was located, and I even befriended the old woman who works at the frozen yogurt stand.  Yet, I have never felt this lost in such a familiar place. I left the store not knowing where to go. I bumped into a handful of people who probably resented me for bumping into them.

Even the familiar places can make you feel lost and lonely.

After wandering around the mall for who knows how long, I found my feet and heart taking me to Owen's house. He said: you should come by sometime if you ever need anything. Well, I desperately needed company and someone to talk to, even if that someone meant a person I barely know. Everyone abandoned me, my mom, my dad, my best friend and my boyfriend; I was alone in a cruel world where the people you trust and love stab wounds in your heart deeper than any blade.

I passed by Shawn's house, successfully avoiding the urge to burn his house down. I knocked on Owen's door. Hopefully, Owen was home. I heard a couple of thuds before someone opened the door, "hey," Owen greeted.

"Hey," I said, letting the awkwardness seep in by taking a long pause. "I don't want to sound needy or come off as someone who's going to use you but-"

"You're not asking me out, are you? Cause I'm in a healthy relationship with my bed and PlayStation." He grinned, the smile reaching his eyes, "don't worry it's a polygamous relationship. I'm not cheating."

"Too soon?" He asked. "Sorry about that. Come in." He sidestepped, leaving a gap for me to pass through, my arm gently brushing his warm skin.

"I need someone to talk to. Everyone seems to be lying and leaving me these days," I said as Owen lead me into his living room. We both sat down on a black leather sofa. As soon as my thighs hit the seat, I regretted it. The sunlight from the large windows caused the sofa to become very hot. Sticky thighs are sad thighs.

"I can't promise you this, but for now, I won't leave you or lie."

At the end of the day, people always promise things they can not keep. They are all too caught up in the moment that their mouths take control over the heart and say things they don't mean. Too many 'I love you's,' 'I promise' and 'forever' are being thrown around carelessly as if they didn't hold any meaning. These simple, yet powerful words could easily destroy someone if they're misused.

I explained everything to Owen. It was odd to pour out my feelings, life and thoughts to someone I don't know, let alone trust. It was a terrifying experience, but with Owen, it felt natural and normal. Not awkward and weird.

"I feel like it's over between Becca and me." I looked up to the ceiling, avoiding the tears from falling. "I thought what happened with Shawn was one of the worst experiences I have ever felt in my life, but now, I know that losing the friendship I had with her is much worse and brutal."

"You never know Stella, it might not be the end between you two," he said giving me a reassuring look.

"But when you love someone, you try to take away their pain, not be the cause of it."

He looked down, his hands interlaced with one another. I could tell he was trying to find the right words to say. His eyebrows were scrunched, in thought. He said, "this sounds harsh but, hurting the ones we love has become something normal for people. Hurting the ones we love is inevitable."

I bit the inside of my cheek, tilting my head back, I could feel my vision getting blurry as a tear escaped my right eye and rolled down my cheek. "It doesn't make sense Owen, why would we do that if we love them? You don't leave, lie, hurt and betray someone you love."

"That's the reason why we get hurt," he said looking me in the eyes. "Because we love them. We care about them, and when they hurt and disappoint us, it hurts like hell."

I let out a quiet weak laugh, "then maybe I should wish for a stone cold heart on my birthday."

My hand rested on the edge of the sofa. He reached out and rested his hand on top of mine. "Love makes us stronger, even if it feels like you're being weakened."

"Why do you always know what to say?" I said as I wiped the tears from my cheeks with my wrist.

"I'm Owen De Luca the most emotional and wise eighteen-year-old male alive."

I threw my head back in laughter, "you're so humble."

"That's more like it."

"Thanks for being such a wise dude," I thanked. 

"No problem, I'm always here for you." He added, "and if you're ever feeling lonely, remember that Owen's always on your side."

It was weird whenever people referred to themselves in the third person, but I didn't bother telling Owen because it warmed my heart when he said he would always be on my side.

•••

The silence between us was deafening. After talking about my problems, Owen suggested watching a movie on Netflix. We couldn't come to a consensus, so we played a random movie, Meet The Robinsons. I checked my phone for the time. It was almost eight o'clock.

"I think I'm going to go," I said making a popping sound with my mouth afterwards. "My mom is probably wondering where I am anyways. I told her I'd be home for dinner," I lied.

"Sounds cool, maybe we next time we should hang at your place."

"Yeah, you have my number. Just text or call or whatever." I stood up from the sofa. I was positive the skin on my thighs were being ripped off.

Owen escorted me to the front door. He opened the door and said his goodbyes. Once I reached the end of the driveway, I felt like I was being watched. I turned around to see Shawn staring at me from the entrance of his house.

"So you're dating him now?" He said.

"I'm not dating him or anyone, plus it is none of your business what I do with my life."

"You can't be friends with him," he crossed his arms walking towards me.

"Why not?" I asked.

"Just don't."

"I will never take your opinions into consideration after what you did to me."

I absolutely couldn't believe Shawn's audacity. He cheated on me, and he's trying to dictate my life. I don't even know how I let myself like him in the first place. He's a horrible person. Now I can clearly see that without love blinding me.

"He'll hurt you, and that's a guarantee," he stood beside the fence that divided the two properties.

"Coming from you I know that's a lie, he won't."

"How can you be so sure?" He asked shaking his head in disapproval.

"Because he's nothing like you."

"You're going to regret this."

"The only thing I regret is being your girlfriend," I said as I started to walk further away from him. But not just him, from the person I used to be, the shy quiet scared girl. The one who lacked confidence, the one who had a hard time loving and accepting herself. Because from now on, I'm going to work on improving myself so everyone who ever hurt and left me can see how I will bloom into someone much more strong. Someone I've always wanted to be.

Change is scary, but not as scary as being someone you hate.