Just Kill Me Now...

Chapter Ten

Though we were apart, I could tell what he was saying. I didn't want to, but I could. I tried to stop. But I couldn't. 

Kill me.

Those two words rang in my ears in different voices, male and female. Different languages. English, Spanish, Dutch, Russian. Though I didn't know anything in those languages, I did then. And I do now.

He walks towards my car, his eyes never leaving mine. But I force mine too. I can't handle him. Never. Again.

I put my car in reverse and I drive to Starbuck's. It's closed but I just sit in the parking lot. Looking at the girls in the skimpy dresses walk by with their boyfriends or girlfriends. Most are tall, thin, beautiful. Not me. I'm average and I always will be. Nothing more but always less. I sit and stare at the empty Starbuck's, the comfy chairs, the counter top and I can imagine people running around, making the drinks. Cars backed up through the drive thru. 

Imagine. 

I need to do more of that. I can't though. No. I see my phone flash on and off and I pick it up to see Charlie's message. 

Charlie: when wil u b home?

 I didn't look at the time when it was sent or when. I pull out pf the Starbuck's and drive home. At the stoplight I pull out my phone. 

Me: Regie, I'm sorry about how I reacted, I am a bitch for being like that. I'm sorry. I really hope you can forgive me.

I don't know why I'm still chasing after this guy but he was a good friend. But I should've seen it coming, I mean after Charlie? I'm stupid. But just after I was gonna send him another text, he responded.

Regie: Ya, it's okay, sure

I realized I was at the stoplight way longer then I should've been but no one ever went down this road so no one told me to get going. I drive back to Charlie's house. Not realizing who's car was in the driveway. I walked upstairs and knocked on Charlie's door and let myself in. No one was there. Okay. So I text her.

Me: Where are you?

I wait a couple minutes and she responds. 

Charlie: oh i went outside into the tree house you close?

Me: Ya, I'll be there soon I guess. 

Charlie: okie

I walk outside and up into the tree house. I will never forget what I saw next. My best friend. And Regie and Jackson. All of them, on a sheet, Jackson and Charlie naked. Regie, his shirt off and his pants, though he was in his underwear. 

"Damn." The only word that came out of my mouth.

"Ohmigod! You said I'll be there soon. I thought you were further!" Charlie says.

"Ya, didn't expect this. Okay. So my best friend, doing it with our ex and her current boyfriend. Makes sense." I say flatly. 

"Hey, hey, hey, I can explain..." Regie starts. 

"Yeah, no. You really can't. You just can't. I was gonna say I'm sorry and ask to be friends and just be normal because you are a great guy." I pause. "Were. Were a great guy."

"Grey, I am!"

"No, you aren't. You are just another one of Charlie's fuckers." I spit.

"Grey!" Charlie exclaims.

"It's true. Look at this. You and him are both naked and Regie was just getting there. You are all mother fuckers, no doubt! Jackson, I knew that from the start." I yell. Jackson just nods knowing it is true. "I'm just. Wow... I hate you all!" I shout through watery eyes. "Go fuck yourselves!" I leave.

I walk back inside and I say to Charlie's mom, "You daughter is having a fuck party in the tree house."

"Excuse me?" She asks.

"Your daughter is having a threesome with Regie and Jackson." I say coldly before walking out. I get in my car but I hear Charlie's mom scream and run to the backyard and I see Regie jump out and run and Jackson takes his time. Naked and all.

I sit in my car and rummage for a notepad and pen. I write down something that goes something like this:

Dear whoever is reading this, 

Hopefully I will be out of sight before you can read this. I want to be gone. I will be gone. You know, this is actually a really sucky letter but you the fuck cares? I surely don't, it's not like anyone is gonna be there to say, oh you spelt this wrong or shit. Haha. Goodbye Regie. Goodbye Charlotte who I won't miss. Goodbye Jackson, I like him out of everyone now. Goodbye Scott. Goodbye school. Goodbye exes. Goodbye life.

That last one is true. Perfect. Those two little words sum up everything. I could've literally put that and that could've been it. I don't need to explain anything do I?

Nope. So goodbye.

-Does it honestly matter who I say I am. You all know.

I see Regie outside my car window, clothed now. He knocks on it. He asks to see what I wrote and I give it to him after my car was started. I drive off and I could see him rush into his car. I find the pen I used and slowly cut my arm. In multiple spots. I let my blood ooze out of me and spill into the car. I rush to the beach I wasn't at long ago. I run to the water and cut my legs, letting my blood flow freely in the water, not caring if a shark happens to be here. I let my clothes fall off, allowing me to move quicker. I cut my face, my nose, my ear. I cut my stomach. By now the pen is really useless so I find a piece of broken glass and use that. I cut my breasts and I finally cut my neck. I spell out, 'Bye'.

I'm in neck deep and I go further and further. I hear Regie call to me and I hear him splash into the water and swim after me, but by now, I've gone under. I take a deep breath, allowing the cool water to fill my lungs, coughing slightly. I look at myself and see the cuts, allowing them to burn in the salty water. I take another deep breath. Smiling that I got to choose for myself how I die. I open my eyes, almost gone and the water is clear. I see Regie's body and another. I close my eyes and let myself sink to the bottom. I open my mouth and I feel two bodies by me. But I'm already gone...