Just Kill Me Now...

Chapter Eight

The days inch by slower than before now. I spend most days out near the beach. I wear shorts with my jacket. My arms haven't seen the sun in days. I've cut my arms everyday since my father's death to know how long its been. It's been 34 days...

I haven't talked to Scott or Regie since that day. But I can't stand it anymore. I told myself I don't need him, I can't need him, I can't love him, but I do, I can't help myself. So I texted him.

10:47 a.m; June 17th, 2016

ME: Hey Regie...

I check my phone every couple minutes waiting for him to respond but he doesn't and I become more anxious. I think to myself that he won't respond, you basically dissed him. 

I ride my bike back to Charlie's house and park my bike on the side of the house, not taking notice that it's probably gonna rain. I walk inside to hear screaming coming from upstairs. 

"Charlotte! You clean up right now and get him out of here! I do not want to see that boy again! He's just a no good asshat!" Charlie's mom yells.

"Mom! Don't call my boyfriend an asshat! He's amazing and I love him!" She shouts back. I walk past the room to see Charlie in her bra and the rest of her under the blanket and I see Jackson slipping on his pants. I don't budge in and walk to the guess room next to hers. 

I lay on my bed that is squished against the gray wall. I look across from my bed and see my stained wood desk with a picture of my family when I was and when we went to Disneyland. I had on this hideous pink sweater with lines of different colors. I absolutely loved that sweater though. I wish I still fit in it. I miss them a lot. We were standing in front of the main entrance  with people walking behind us. My dad was wearing glasses and he hadn't shaved. My mom was on my right and she had a sweater on too with her shades and her hair curled as it fell onto her shoulders. She wasn't skinny, but that made her that much more huggable and she was good at it. I miss her so much. 

I move to the next picture and I was at Christmas with Bobo, my mom's dog that she got in her last year of school. She was a little dalmatian terrier that had a clipped ear. And she was blind in one eye but I didn't care. I loved her. That was her last year with us. She died of a parasite during the summer of the next year. We never had enough money to take her to the vet and I regret it now. I look behind the picture and its her urn. It's a little wooden box that my dad and me made. I tried to paint a picture of me and her but the paint smeared and its a bunch of colors. I move to the next picture and it's me and mom at the hospital when she just had broken her knee. I was on her bed and neither of us were looking at the camera. 

The last picture was when I was kissing my mother's grave. I had a black dress that fell above my knees and black flats. I had my hair in a braid that fell to the middle of my back. It was raining but you could tell I was crying. I had mud on my hands from falling because I couldn't see. I remember it so vividly, like it was yesterday...

****

My mom was dead. She died. The weird man was talking and others could acknowledge that but I couldn't hear a word he was saying. My dad has his hand resting on my shoulder as he stared at the man. I saw people dabbing their eyes as they held an umbrella over their heads. Daddy has an umbrella too but I'm standing to the side of it. After the man finishes speaking other people go up and speak. Still unable to register what they're saying. Then daddy goes to speak.

"My wife was the most amazing wife and mother in the world. And I know people will miss her dearly. But after all she's done, no can forget her, even if they tried. You'll see her everywhere because she's all helped us at one point or another. I love her..." Daddy trials off, crying slightly. "I love her and I always will. My dear..." He gets down on his knee, allowing the mud to cover his pants. "I will never forget you and neither will Gray. I love you, I love you." Then Daddy breaks into a full on sob. His parents walk over and comfort him and pull him away. And on that happy note, most people leave, scurrying to the car to get out of the rain. 

My dad reaches in his pocket to grab his camera. He looks over to me, I can feel it. I walk to mama's grave and let tears flow down on me, though it doesn't make a difference. I first hug mama's grave, hoping she could feel it in Heaven. I then kiss the grave, I leaving my lips in contact with the grave. I think to myself, I love you mama, I love you. Don't forget me please. I won't forget you... I hear the camera shutter. I run to daddy and leap into his arms. He carries me to the car as he remains tall and I sobbing. Not allowing myself to believe. It isn't real I repeat again and I again before it becomes three words that just stay in my head and means nothing.

****

I look at the time and it's 2:29. I check my phone that's been in my pocket. One new message.

12:16 p.m; June 17th, 2016

REGIE: Hey Gray, it's been awhile hasn't it? I miss you... if that makes a difference... 

I click on the keyboard and respond.

2:31 a.m; June 17th, 2016

ME: Regie! I'm so sorry for being a ass the past couple weeks. I promise I won't do this again. I miss you too. Will you give me a second chance?

I look at the battery and I have 8%, shit. I pray that he responds because I can't find my charger and I don't want to ask Charlie for hers right now. I set it down and look some more, no luck. Luckily it seems that it isn't draining like crazy. I lay on my bed throw a tennis ball I found earlier that week. I hear more arguing from downstairs and so I close my door. I skipped lunch but I'm not hungry. It's now 3:42 and he hasn't responded and I'm at 6%. I hear a knock on my door and they let themselves in before I have a chance to say anything. 

"Hey Gray." Charlie says with a worried look on her face. 

"Hey Char." I say with a side smile.

"I'm sorry about earlier." She apologizes.

"It's okay." I say but think, yeah I'm saying it's perfectly fine to come back and see your best friend half-naked with her boyfriend.

"Okay." She smiles.

We talked on and on about her mom and Jackson and I told her about how I apologized to Regie and stuff. She laid on my bed with her feet in a kicking motion that always ended up kicking my wall. I looked at the grandfather clock above my desk and it looked like it read 6:02. Woah, chatter much?

I hear my phone buzz and she nudges me to get it. I walk over with a skip and see one new message. I click on it and see it's from Regie. I laugh because I'm happy and then I click on the messages that we have and my phone goes black...