antisocial pessimist

july 11

for some reason people dont fucking trust me anymore and i dont fucking know what i did so if someone would like to fucking explain why because im just so fucking tired of having to piece together information about my friends. one of my "best" friends likes to tell almost anyone whats happening BUT ME. im still mad i have to find out information through her wattpad book. others just block me for NO FREAKING REASON. i have literally one person i trust. ONE. well, thats not true. i have multiple squads. i think of my life in different groups of people. in one group i have that one person who updates me all the time. in another group i feel like im supported but idk. the amount of fake people in this world scare me. and in one of the last one im almost positive they do their own thing without which makes me laugh because i was there from the start and they just leave me. like ok thanks. if youre reading this, i dare you to tell me what you really think of me.

at this point and time i have one guy i trust. i realll excited for high school to find more. but my mom loves (not like that) this one boy too sooooo ya know its weird.

i have this one freaking friend. i love her with all my heart and all my soul and have for quite a while. and i think thats the problem. its weird. all her friends would prefer to not be with me, and some of my friends didnt like her either. shes also getting bigger and bigger popularity wise all the time. theres just certain parts, as im sure there are certain parts she doesn't like about me, that hurt me i dont know why

i feel torn. i actually feel like crying and i havent cried myself to sleep for six months DONT DO IT LIV. i just have to focus on whats ahead.

i dont think im the problem. but maybe i am.

im just going to freaking do it. wish me luck.