antisocial pessimist

july 14

i have great ideas i just hate asking for permission. i also fear i cant convey myself the way i want/ the best way

so so much to be thankful for. SO MUCH. you want a list? ok

1. i have friends (what? liv you got friends?) i know.

2. i have friends that actually want to hang out(again i get its weird for me)

3. a freaking ANGEL is coming to nhd and teaching a class

4. ^^ that might mean an elite team??? idk (not that id be on it tho...)

5. 5SOS RECORDED THIS VOICEMAIL IT MADE ME THE HAPPIEST THANG I CRIED THEN I HYPERVENTILATED BUT IT WAS THE BEST THING OMG i love them

fr tho: if i wrote an actual story would anyone care. if i have a few ideas but hmu if you got a good one. lol at school i was voted "most likely to write a book" LMAO YALL PROBABLY THINK YOURE FUNNY

i do think i have actual problems. and the more i push them under and try to ignore them, the worse they get. god i hate hormones so such. when i was litte, jk like 3 yrs ago, i hated the roller coaster analogy. i thought it was cheesezy and honestly dumb. but thats exactly how it feels. 4 hours ago i was jumping up and down, filled with happiness. but now im numb and questioning everything because of one stupid thing that always gets me that i realllly need to get rid of. my brain is just really confused mentally and it hurts. a lot.

if i could go live in a hole the rest of my life, in a heartbeat i would

i dont want to be faking my happiness so much, that the problem gets way to big.

OK THAT WAS MY 5 EMOTIONAL MINUTES. NOW ITS TIME TO BE A BOMB ASS BITCH