Please Forgive Me

Blackmail

Where we rode our bikes to, was a place I could have never have imagined. It was some kind of broken down shed with spray paint all over it. In an alleyway.
"What is this place?" The guys get off their bikes and start walking inside. Mike turned around.
"Well, are you coming?"
"Not until you tell me what this place is." He just smiled and gave a small laugh.
"You'll have to come in to find out."

He started walking in. "I promise, you'll fit in just fine." I couldn't let go of my handle bars. My hands feel a bit shaky. Mike turns again. "You don't have to be scared. Come on." He walked up to me, looking down at me.
"I'm not scared. I just don't think this is a good idea. Something feels off."
"Come on, are you seriously going back? And who's waiting for you right now? You're all alone. Might as well stay for a bit." I breathe in and out.
"Fine." I get off my bike and follow behind with caution.

The inside was dimly lit with lanterns. Broken windows, creaky floor boards. The entire place just looked run down and abandoned. A group of people were all holding spray paint cans, painting the walls.
"Hey guys, I'd like to introduce our newest member of Red Paint. Jackie May, but we can call her Jack."
"Wait what are you talking about?" Mike was handing me a leather glove and paint can.
"Our group of friends is like a club. We stick together. But there's one tiny little thing you need to do before getting in the group."

Then, Mike cut my right hand with a knife. I grab my hand and I'm bleeding. I'm shaking in pain. "Just take your hand and put it on the wall." He grabs my hand that's bleeding, but I take my hand back.
"No...what is wrong with you people? This is just wrong. You don't take someone's hand and just cut them!" I step back. "I'm going home." Two hands grab both of my shoulders.
"I'm sorry, but once you've set foot in here. You can't back out. Either be willing or resist and risk you and your family's lives." The voice behind me was cold.

I kick whoever's behind me and I'm released. I grab the collar of Garret, who I just kicked.
"You so much as touch my family, so help me I'll make sure you'll be pushed off the cliff!!!" A voice came from behind me. It's Mike.
"Then if you want them to be safe, I suggest you do what we say."
"What do you gain from me joining this?!"
"Protection. You're the youngest sister of Officer Jessy Hamilton. He's head detective on the force. If we have you, we have a leverage. Just so you know, we have our ways of getting our messages around." An arm grabbed me from behind holding a gun next to my head.
"I can see that." The gun was pointed at my throat.
"So, what do you say?" I'm pushed to the ground, I'm looked down upon everyone. The bleeding from my hand doesn't stop.

I stare at the blood streaming from my hand. I don't really have any other choice. I'm so sorry Jessy. I'm so sorry Jillian. Please, this is the only way to keep you safe.

I take my hand and push it against the wall.
"That's a good girl. Now, go home. And we better see you here tomorrow. Got it."
"I get it." I get up and walk out. Garret calls from behind me.
"You better not say a word of this to anyone."
"I don't plan to. I'm smarter than that."
"I know. I'm sorry you got into this. But you'll see it as family soon. Believe me, I'm talking from experience."
"If you think this will replace the only two people in my life. You are more stupid than a rock." He throws the glove over my head and it lands at my feet. I put it in my bag. I get on my bike and ride away without saying anything else or looking back. I go as fast as I can. My hand still bleeding, but I need to get home.

I stop my bike and lock it in the garage. I run up the stairs to the apartment room and take my key and unlock the door. I close it behind me and walk briskly to my room. But before I reach the door, my sister yelled my name.
"Jackie May Rose Hamilton!!! Where have you been?!! I was so worried!!"
"I left you a text message." She grabbed my hand.
"What is this?! Jackie? Answer me!!" She let go of my hand. "Tell me the truth. What happened to your hand? Wait, don't tell me you were-!"
"No! That's not it! I fell off my bike and my hand landed on some sharp rocks."
"Oh, okay. So, where did you go? The beach?"
"Uh.. Yeah."
"That sounds nice. Well, wash it and put a bandage on it. I made hamburgers and Jessy will be back for dinner today."
"Okay."

I walk into the bathroom and clean my hand up. I can vividly remember. The pain of the blade still stings me. I can't say anything or we're all dead. I just can't take anymore death. I feel my body slump down and I'm holding my head. It pains me to lie to them, but what other choice do I have? I'm doing this to protect them. I don't care what happens to me. I don't care if this even kills me. I will protect my siblings till the end of my life if I have to. My siblings mean everything to me, because they are all I have.

I hear the slam of the front door.
"I'm back."
"Hey, Jackie May's in the bathroom." I can hear their conversation.
"What happened?"
"Why do you think something happened?"
"You said Jackie May. You only say her whole first name in public or if something bad happened. Spill it."
"She said she fell off her bike and some rocks cut her hand, on her way home. She's just washing her hand."
"You think something else happened?"
"Maybe, the cut on her hand doesn't look like something you'd get from falling on rocks. I know she's had bruises from falling off her bike, but it was only her hand. She has no bruises from what I could see."
"I'll talk to her." I sigh as my head leans on the door. I take a deep breath and open the door.

I walk into the kitchen. "Hey."
"Hi." We all sit down at the table, and talk as we eat.
"How was work?"
"Good. I've been assigned with the Red Paint assignment." I almost choke on my hamburger at the sound of that group. "You okay?"
"Fine, just swallowed wrong. Continue."
"Well, apparently they've been forcing people to join. Just to get a leverage on parts of town. There's been robberies, deaths, kidnappings caused by them. I'm trying to find their base. This group is dangerous, they kill anyone who tries leaving the group and their families."
"Do you have any leeds into where they might be?"
"Not yet, but I start my search tomorrow."

He takes a few bites from his burger. "So, Jack. What happened to your hand?"
"I heard you two talking outside the bathroom. There is nothing wrong."
"So, let me see it if it's nothing." I take off the bandaid and show him my hand.
"It's just a little cut. I'm fine really." He grabbed my wrist and looked closely at my palm.
"You didn't fell off your bike. Your knees aren't even dirty. What or should I say who, cut you? It's obviously from a knife." No no no. I can't say anything about it.

"I did it."
"What?" His face was full of shock.
"I just-" I couldn't look at him. I just stared down.
"What possible reason could you have to cut yourself?"
"None. I just-"
"You still haven't forgiven yourself?" My head snaps up. "Jackie May, it is not your fault."

If I go along with it, it will ensure that they're safe. But I've still haven't forgiven myself, so part of this is true.

"Yes, it is my fault."
"No, it's-" I stand from my chair, slamming my left hand on the table.
"It's my fault that mom died!! If I just wasn't born, then she would still be here!! Dad would still be here! Dad wouldn't have left!! It's my fault they're gone!!" I ran to my room and lock the door. I lean against the wall and my body slides down to the ground. I hug my knees together. It's my fault, it's all my fault. I know I brought it up to protect them, but I'm still not over it.

I hear a knock on my door.
"Jackie, please open the door." It's Jessy. I stay silent. "Mom died, because she had cancer when she gave birth to you and Jillian. If she didn't die none of you would have lived. She was thinking of you and Jill before herself. Dad left, because he lost his job and couldn't take care of us. Jackie, just cause I'm assigned to solve this gang case, doesn't mean I'm going to stop looking for dad. I bet you he will tell you the exact same thing. Okay? So, please open the door." I stay silent. I can't stop the tears falling down my face. "I'm not leaving this spot till you open the door." I unlock the door and open it. Wiping the tears off my face. "It's okay." He hugs me tightly. "You don't need to blame yourself. It's alright." Jill hugs me from behind. They both hug me.

This is the only family I have. I need to protect what's left with it. If they get hurt. It's all my fault, again. It's been 16 years. If I'm still not over my mom's death and my dad leaving. How will I deal with the pain of my older brother and sister if they got hurt? I don't think I'll be able to handle the pain of losing everyone else in my family. I will not loose them. If I do, I will have nothing. And it is all my fault.