Here I thrive

The end of the tunnel

The first thing i sensed was the wretched smell of death, it felt like. A blur of greys and blacks. Even when I opened my eyes.On my knees, I tried to find some form of light around me. Everything was too dark. I placed my hands on the cold wet floor to stand up. No way to tell what it was. Only that it smelt rusty. It felt like i stood there for the longest time.

"Hello?"

knowing there would be no answer.

I took the first step hesitantly. Afraid that if i do something will pounce on me. I really do hope something would. It would end the deafening silence I'm in.

I started walking slowly, very slowly. scanning everywhere. I know there is nothing. I know it. I merely hope something would change. Am I dead? Am I dreaming? Is it the reality of my depression? Is it all my feelings finally gutted out of me? turning everything the color of void?

I hear a drop of water hitting the tacky floor. I turned so fast.

I found it.

I found some form of faint yellow light. It was something alright. I have to go to it.

To find it.

My feet picked up the pace, I'm jogging now. No, never mind.

I'm running.

Sprinting. Hurrying. As fast as my feet can carry me. As fast as i possibly can. I can't feel the floor. I don't care. I feel the light.

I can't breathe anymore but I can feel the light. I have to. It's in front of me. Its right there. I reach my hands out. Maybe I can touch it but I can't. It's too far.

So far.

I can't breathe.

My feet are betraying me.

Fuck.

I tumbled. My bones hitting the hard cold floor. Bones aching. Fuck. I look everywhere. Where is the light. it disappeared again. Oh my God. It's gone.

I'm jogging now. No, never mind.

I'm running.

Hysterically sprinting.

"YOU WERE JUST THERE"

"PLEASE" I screech.

I don't care. I'm still sprinting.

Tears like heavy rain fall. Sweat like I just came out of the shower. I can't lose it. I can't be so alone. God, don't do this to me.

I hear the drop again. I come to an abrupt stop. It drops yet again.

I see it. I SEE IT

Again.

I'm running as fast as I can. hoping I don't fall again. Hoping I could fly right towards it. It's all I ever wanted. To soar.

I'm getting close.

A laughter escapes my lungs. I'm close.

The light gets bigger and bigger and I finally I see it.

I slow my pace. I'm walking now.

A fade of pinks and oranges in the sky. Nothing so beautiful. I drop to the floor wailing and bawling out of happiness. I'm here. I can do this. I'll walk through it and everything will be fine. I stand up again. Chin up. One foot forward. Only that it didn't have a place to land. There was no more wet floor.

It was nothing.

I'm at the edge. I look down and it looks bottomless. A never-ending pit.

I came for a sign of hope and once I got here it was worse. I'd rather be in the dark than coming to know that I had to fling myself into the air knowing that gravity would catch me first. But no. It's all I ever wanted remember.....

I always wanted to fly.

THATS IT.

I'll fly.

Gravity won't catch me.

The angels will.

I go back a few feet. look into the graceful sky.

Again.

I'm running towards the edge. knowing that once I'll reach ill plunge into the air and I'll do it.

I'll fly.

Maybe.

Or maybe gravity will catch me first.

But I'm doing it anyway. I reached the edge and it was air all around me. The smell of nothing I've ever smelt before. A laughter escapes me and then a smile. My eyes are closed but I feel something holding me. I sure hope it isn't gravity.