in which josh and tyler are internet friends
a/n | can anyone like suggest me sum shit or request smth pls thank
also this is kinda bad because I couldn't be bothered editing it and shiz and I wrote it on the spot at 11:00pm
(Josh PoV)
another snapchat from tyler, butterflies circled in my stomach. is it possible to have a crush on someone over the internet? he'd sent me pictures of his face, kept me updated on everything, and helped me through difficulties, as he did for me. I opened snapchat, expecting a selfie with a goofy smile and gorgeous starry eyes. I moved to the chat section, and pressed 'open snap'.
this wasn't the tyler I knew. this was a sullen picture, tears running down his cheeks, over tear stains already there. his eyes brimmed with more threatening to spill. his nose was red, and the rest of his face had red patches, as if he'd been this way for a while. the white text at the bottom of the picture read 'h e l p m e.' panic overtook me, I'd never seen him like this, he wasn't like this. or was he just not telling me something?
in a rush, I pressed the circle to send something back. as I looked back at the picture just taken, you could see the worry in my eyes, also full with tears. my eyebrows were furrowed, I hadn't realised my face had changed so much in such a short matter of time. I quickly typed 'what's wrong?' and hit the send button so hard it hurt.
I awaited a response. I didn't get a photo but rather a text.
'I'm so sorry I didn't tell you. it was such a mistake I really meant to, I really really did, I just thought you'd leave me if you found out. everyone leaves me.'
what is going on? what isn't he telling me? I decide to not ask any questions as he doesn't seem in a stable enough state.
'tyler, I will never leave you. not for anything, not for anyone.'
I hit send, anticipating his next response.
'I'm so so sorry, josh.'
'what are you sorry for? you have never done anything wrong to me. in fact, I think you're one of the best people I know. what aren't you telling me, buddy?'
I felt bad asking, but I honestly couldn't help it. maybe if I find out, I'd be able to help.
'I suffer from many different mental illnesses; depression, schizophrenia,' he went on to list a few, and told me about them. what it's like living with them, and so on.
'I'm so sorry, tyler.'
I didn't know why I apologised, I just felt like I needed to.
'josh, you don't need to apologise. I just don't want to lose you. you mean so much to me and I love you so so much.'
my heart stopped. did he really love me? in that way? before I could even type anything, he sent another.
'in a way I can't even dream of being mutual.'
'y'know tyler?'
'yes?'
'I think I love you too.'
