stop fucking falling in love

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I can't believe I kissed ian. I can't even believe the sparks I felt at his touch. I wanted it more and more everytime I think about it. I didn't know what to do. Was I in love with him? Hopefully not, I can't fall in love can I?
I get pulled from my thoughts as I heard mandys voice.

"You can't control me you know" She says.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean I can stay at lips and can have sex with him too" she says.

"You are so fucking gross mandy" I say. "I don't want to know that."

"Then quit coming there for me" she says.

"Just shut up ok, I have alot on my mind."

"Like what, ian?" She asks or mostly states.

"What no, I'm not a fag mandy" I say.

"Sure just keep telling yourself that."

"Look just get out before I literally throw you out" I say.

She walks out and I just lay down, looking at my ceiling.
She was right, I was slowly falling in love with ian. Was I going to admit it, no, but I wish I could. I'm to pussy to do so and that makes me mad at myself.
What am I going to do about these feeling towards green eyes.
I fall asleep still thinking about him. I just couldn't stop. I wake up not being able to get him off my mind. I decide to go to the dugout, I call it my happy place.
I get out of bed and pull on a pair of pants. I grab my cigarettes and a couple of beers.
I start walking, I didn't feel like driving. The cool air felt nice as I walked to my happy place. But my calmness didn't last cause I saw ian there on one of the benches.

"Hey mickey, whatcha doing here" he says with a smile.

"I have some stuff on my mind and I come here to think" I say.

"Can I have one?" He asks gesturing to my beer.

I hand him one and I open my own. Taking a swig at the cold beverage, I feel the amazing feeling as it went down my throat.

"So why are you here?" I ask.

"Um I went on a walk, trying to get away from lip and fiona fighting" he says.

"Oh, my siblings are the same" I say.

"What did you have on your mind?"

"Nothing really" I say.

"Not even our kiss" he says smirking.

"God don't bring that up" I say.

"Why not?"

I was being stupid but I couldn't help it. I look at his lips and his eyes. Then before noticing what I was doing, I was again kissing him.
He moves his head and deepens the kiss. I lick his lips as he opens them, letting me in. I explore the red heads mouth hungerly.
He let's go off my lips and starts kissing my neck. Before I knew it he found my soft spot and I moan. He smiles against my neck and pulls me closer. I feel his boner against my leg and realize I was hard too. God dammit gallagher why do you do this to me.
Ian turns me around after taking my belt off. He then pulls my pants and boxers off.
I can tell he was doing the same. I groan as he slips himself in. I grab onto the cold metal in front off me.
As he thrusts faster I let out another moan. I grasp harder as I get closer to releasing.

"God dammit mick" Ian moans.

That's it I was done. I panted hard as I released. Then I felt ian do the same.
We heard foot steps so I pull everything on quickly, ian doing the same.
I felt my head spin when I saw who it was.
I haven't seen him in a long time and I was terrified of the sight before me.

God don't tell me he saw what happened

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