Every single night I fall sleep on the couch, waiting for his return; every single morning I wake up on my bed which I share with my husband to find a cold space next to me. I was happy that he carried me the way I like it, but I was also sad that the time we are able to talk to each other are so limited. This soon became a routine, even though I know I couldn't stay up until he returns home, but I still sleep on the couch because at least I know that there is a contact between us. I never blamed him because I understand how difficult it is to be an idol, I understood how difficult it is to be the wife of an idol.
I can't blame him. It's not his fault. It was my decision.
Days passed, weeks passed. Until a month has gone by, I haven't seen him even though we live in the same house, under the same roof, on the same bed. Maybe I could be happier as his fan, I could stalk him around, meet him in fan meets, fangirl him by the side when his group attends a reality show. Giving him my hand in marriage has limited what I could do and where I can go. I have become the face of Min Yoongi. Doing something the crowd doesn't like will only ruin his name and reputation. Going anywhere public will only expose myself to danger. I don't mind, I honestly don't mind the boundaries. The point is I can't see him as much as the fans do.
The day of their comeback has arrived, it would be a busier day for him, but he would be free in the evening, would he?
I sat in front of the television, waiting for their comeback live on screen. Just when the emcee was talking, I suddenly felt a dull pain beneath my chest. It became difficult for me to breathe. I dropped on the floor, gripping tightly on the table to ensure I don't drop face first onto the floor. I was in pain when his group finally performed, so I couldn't watch. I waited for the pain to subside before getting my car keys. This wasn't the first time, but it definitely took longer for the pain to fade away and this pain I felt, it hurt much more than before. I knew something was wrong, but it was much terrifying to know that I know what's wrong, I just needed confirmation from a qualified doctor whom I failed to be, a dream I have sacrificed to be by Yoongi's side.
::
The door clicked open, I quickly threw my pills into my bag and swallowed it without any water. My heart beat happily when a bob of green hair appeared from the door. It was as if I was the old me, a hyperactive fangirl meeting my favourite idol again.
"Yoongi!" I shouted happily and hopped into his open arms. "I missed you so much!"
"Me too, honey. At long last, I can see your smiling face again rather than your sleeping face." He hugged me tightly and we stayed like that for a very long time. It has been so long.
"Are you hungry?" My voice were muffled, but he understood.
"I had my dinner with the boys already, are you?" I shook my head when he asked the same question.
I pulled back from the hug and ushered him upstairs.
"You must be tired, go take a bath before sleep." He gladly complied to my orders and went ahead into the steaming hot shower.
On that night, we held each other to sleep, breathing the same air, letting our limbs tangle into a beautiful mess under the blanket. There was no need for an intimate night to show our love towards each other, being this close to him and enjoy the warmth of his body is enough. I was content. He eventually fell asleep, but I stayed awake staring at his beautiful face. His pale baby skin and pink lips. I love him, I love him so much.
How am I so lucky to have caught his interest and be loved by him?
But I guess there is a price for such luck.
