"Finn?" I try again and reach over to squeeze his knee. "You'll be fine," I assure him, but he doesn't respond. He still hasn't moved a muscle - frozen in his seat, he stares out of the window of his car, not once removing his eyes from the red door. The door to hell, he repeatedly called it under his breath on our way here to my family's house.
"Your dad will kick my ass," Finn mumbles, his knuckles turning white as he grips the steering wheel even tighter. "God, how many times your dad and my dad caught me with a..." He doesn't finish his sentence, but he doesn't have to. I know what he wanted to say - how many times they have caught him with some girl. Yeah, I heard all about that. "Jesus," he mutters again. "He knows all about my fucked-up self, and now I'm about to go in there and... Fuck, if I had a daughter and she wanted to go out with someone like me? Chloe, I'd rip off that fucker's head if he just laid one finger on her. What am I saying... if he just looked at her." Slowly, he turns his head to face me, and I smile at him.
"He loves you. Finn, my dad loves you!" I take his hand in mine, all my previous doubts about coming out to our parents already disappeared because I know how freaking true the words I'm saying are. "He is so proud of the man you've become, and how much of a hypocrite would he be if he judged you for things he did himself when he was our age." Yeah, my dad was a dog after what happened with his mom. I force these ugly thoughts away and turn my focus back to Finn. "What I'm trying to say is that he always speaks so highly of you - why should he be mad about this?"
He presses his lips tightly together and stares at me intensely. "Since when are you the one giving me pep talks? Shouldn't you be the one freaking out right now? You have to tell everyone in there that you like me," he gives me a meaningful look. "You ready for that?"
"As if they didn't know that since I was 3 years old." The words slip out of my mouth without me realizing what they really mean. "I mean... I-" I begin to stutter around, trying to find words that would not sound like I'm just admitting that I've loved him all my life.
Finn pulls my face closer to his and rests his forehead against mine. "You know, Stanton," he tucks my hair behind my ears - like he always does, and kisses my lips softly before pulling back again. "as much as I would like to make fun of you when you're all flustered and embarrassed," he makes a short pause, and after pecking my lips again, his voice becomes impossibly deep. "the fact that you admit that you like me - is so much more pleasing. In fact, I might even love that."
"As if you didn't know that as well," I mumble, not in the slightest mood to pretend that, in fact, I didn't even like him that much.
"You once told me that I'm hard to read. You think that I'm hard to figure out, but have you met yourself? Sometimes I think that I have you all figured out, and other times I could bang my head against a wall because you, woman - you don't make fucking sense. So, hearing you say it out loud, it's nice to not have to guess and hope - it's nice to know it for sure - it's nice to hear it out of your pretty little mouth." He settles back in his seat and lets his eyes travel over every inch of my face.
The way he looks at me - not for a second would I think that he has trouble figuring me out. The way his green eyes observe me, I feel exposed - like every single thought I've ever had, every single secret I've kept from the world is suddenly out in the open. Finn Warren knows. He knows everything.
"Say it again," he interrupts my train of thoughts.
I blink several times - trying to refocus on him and what he's saying. Sometimes I really do have my head up in the clouds. "What? What do you want me to say?"
He smiles - the real one - my smile! "You know..." he urges, suddenly looking almost shy.
"Ah," I take a deep breath. "I realize that I don't tell you as often as I really should-" as often as I really want to, I silently add. "but I do, Finn. I really do like you. Always have."
He closes his eyes for a second, and as he does, he looks so incredibly young - and vulnerable. And because I can't help it, I reach out to touch his face. As my skin meets his, his eyes fly back open. "It's nice to hear that every now and then," he admits.
"You mean that I tell you that I like you?"
He smiles again, but this time it's a sad one. "That I'm liked in general, Chloe," he whispers and turns abruptly to open the door to get out of his car - leaving me in the passenger seat, open-mouthed with an aching heart.
I hurry to get out myself. "Finn," I jog after him and hold him back by his arm, and reluctantly, he turns to face me. "You can't say stuff like that and then practically storm away. Why - what makes you say that?"
"Don't think too much into this, Chloe. I was just saying..."
"Don't you feel loved?" I ask stupidly.
"Chloe, who the fuck feels loved all the time? The world is a cruel place. Let's be honest here, nowadays it's hard to tell if someone really likes you - likes you for you - or likes you at all. And this is not me being petty, that's just the fucking truth. People will stick around for all sorts of reasons, because you're popular, rich, or you have the reputation of being a good fuck... but not because they genuinely like you."
"You're being overly dramatic, Finn. That's not how everyone is."
"And you're naive, babe. That's how the world works - the more you have of what somebody else could benefit from - the more loved you are. And if one day you'd lose everything, let's say you get into a car crash and look like the beast himself, and you'd lose your job, ergo your money because of it - who will really stick around and be there for you, hmm? All these people who kissed your ass - they will find someone better because all you are to them is trouble."
I can't argue with him because... well, what do I know? I've never had
"And you thought that I have some issues I haven't already told you," he concludes, and I nod my head. "I appreciate that, but don't treat me as your charity case - not everything I say, not every word that leaves my mouth is because I'm fucked up."
Damn it, the way he says it - it sounds so bad. "I'm sorry, I just... feel like I want to help you with everything - that I want to be there for you, and I guess I want that a little too much!" I want - I want... As I recall what I just said, I realize how self-centered that sounds. "Damn it, I know this is not about me..." I groan in frustration, and I can see tiny wrinkles forming around the corners of his eyes - I'm amusing him.
"Ah, come here," he pulls me against his chest, careful not to burn me with his cigarette. "Sorry, Chloe. We both know that I have my fair share of problems, but it would be nice to not be treated like that all the time. I know that's a lot to ask for, but sometimes being treated as if I'm normal... that's what I need. And sometimes when I'm being a dramatic ass, I really am just a normal dramatic ass - and nothing more."
I grin up at him. "Okay," I go on my tiptoes and kiss his chin. "I think I can do that."
His right hand travels down my back until it rests on my bum. "Good." He gives me a light spank. "Let's get this over with." He steps back and reaches out his hand for me to take it. "Ready?" he asks me.
"Ready."
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Jessy xx
YOU ARE READING
rogue
ChickLit"You're a monster," She screams at him. " You know what, Finn? One day, everyone will have enough of your bullshit. They'll stop trying, they'll stop caring and you'll be alone. " He just stares down at her petite frame, no words are leaving his mo...
