rogue

twenty - nine

Chloe

I'm an absolute wreck.

I didn't know where to go.

And without a car, I didn't have many options. So here I am, sitting in the passenger seat of my mom's car.

"Do you want to tell me what happened?" she asks, gently patting my thigh.

Honestly, I don't feel like talking. I'd rather hide in some hole and never come out again.

"You know, it may not seem like it right now, but things aren't as bad as they may seem." Oh, mom, always trying to see the positive side.

"I think I just need some time... things have been tough at home."

"Chloe, Noelle called me," my mom says, surprising me.

"And what did she say?" My voice sounds shaky. I'm not even sure if I really want to know.

"She said something happened between you two and that Finn's not doing that well." I snort.

"Believe me, he's doing just fine - just ask Nathalie." My voice thick with hatred.

She looks at me with a comforting gaze, her voice filled with sincerity. "Chloe, it's not what it seemed like. Finn told his mom that he found her drunk and brought her home. Nothing happened between them."

A swirl of emotions engulfs me, causing my stomach to churn. Can I really believe this? Could it be true that Finn was only trying to help her?

The weight of doubt hangs heavily in the air as I struggle to process this new information. Part of me wants to cling to the anger and betrayal I've been feeling, but another part longs for the truth, for the possibility of saving what we once had.

My mind races with thoughts and unanswered questions

I take a deep breath, trying to calm the whirlwind of emotions inside me. It's hard to know who or what to believe anymore.

But as my mom's words sink in, a glimmer of hope flickers within me. Maybe there is a chance to fix this mess. But for now, I need time to process everything.

As we finally reach our house, I step out of the car and I take a deep breath. it's good to be home, maybe that's what I really need: time with my family. Away from everything.

...

I step out into the garden, letting the fresh air wash over me. It's a beautiful space, filled with vibrant colors and the scent of blooming flowers.

As I walk among the carefully manicured plants and feel the soft grass beneath my feet, memories flood my mind.

Finn. He's all I can think about. I tried to forget about everything. To distance myself. So I'd maybe get back with a clear mind and maybe then I could figure everything out.

But it's hopeless, not a day has passed that I haven't thought about him and everything that has happened between us.

I miss him. I miss his touch. His smile. Everything about him.

I find myself drawn to the old oak tree at the corner of the garden. I lean against its trunk, closing my eyes.

As I stand there, lost in my thoughts, a gentle breeze rustles through the leaves.

What in the world am I supposed to do now?

...

Weeks have passed, and I'm still at my parents'. Hayler helped me get all my stuff from Finn's apartment a week ago. I couldn't bear to see him.

I'm getting ready to head out, when suddenly I hear someone opening my door. I turn around and...

Finn. He looks almost ... nervous.

My heart skips a beat as I lock eyes with him. A whirlwind of emotions engulfs me—anger, hurt, and confusion all mingling together.

I can't move. I cant't breath.

"Chloe, please... Can we talk?"

Tears well up in my eyes as I turn to face him, my heart still heavy with disappointment.

"Chloe, I'm sorry. It was just too much. I tried not to feel something for so long, I pushed all my problems aside and pretendet that I am fine for so long... Feeling all of that all at once. I couldn't breath and you loving me like that.. Like the mess I am. It fucking ripped me apart."

I can't help but cry, realizing how much I needed for him to open up to me, to be ready to face his demons.

"Chloe," he takes a deep breath - his voice sounding shaky. "I've loved you my whole life."

Hearing him say that, hearing him say what I've wanted to hear for so long... I feel like my heart is about to burst out of my chest at any moment. I tighten my grip on my backpack until my knuckles turn red. I can't believe this is happening.

"Finn, I don't even know what to say. So many years, and ... you never.. not once." I whisper and finally, he takes a step towards me.

"Chloe, I know that I messed up. I know that I should've said something sooner. I know that I shouldn't have been such a fucking stubbborn asshole. But after Annie died.. I just felt numb for so damn long. And everytime I saw you, it almost killed me. Knowing that I am not good for you. Knowing that you deserved someone so much better than me. And when you showed up infront of my apartment and I could somehow help you out? That I could somehow make it up... but then I got scared. I haven't felt this many emotions in years... It terryfied me."

"And what changed?" I wispher.

"My mom took me to X Y (name for a prison), to visit the drunk driver. The guy who really is responsible for her death. I know that now. And I know that I need to work on myeslf and get help. I know that just saying that I am messed up without actually trying to ... be better - feel better - well, that's pretty damn stupid. I get it now. And you have no idea how sorry I am, that it took me that long."

Something catches his eye in the corner, and he grabs the teddy bear he gave me all those years ago.

A soft smile forms on his face, as he gently tears open a small seam on the teddy bear and retrieves a crumpled old note.

"Finn!" I complain, furrowing my eyebrows in confusion.

He chuckles and comes closer, handing me the note. "Read it!"

Chloe, I love you! Forever and Always

He takes my face in his hands, and whipes my tears away. His beautiful eyes stare into mine and my breath catches in my throat.

"I love you, Chloe! he breaths against my lips.

"And I love you! Forever and Always!" I whisper back. And meaning every single word!

The End

______________________

Jessy xx

next up
the one who lost himself