Head in the Clouds {Poetry}

White Paint Dashes

at this point, i hate myself so deeply it's no longer stoppable.

words plague me and voices surround me.

my mind has twisted and i am not lovable.

the voices keep me on my knees to plea.

maybe i'm meant to be held captive.

thrown to the ground, to the shadows, to hell.

my will to live is gone, i don't want to live.

i scream so loud, and why, well...

that's a long story, fifteen years worth of words.

fifteen years of pain, of betrayal, of lust, of fear.

stop for a minute and actually listen to my words.

why do i hear silence but silence you do not hear?

stop and think, four years ago i learnt to hate.

hate myself, hate my body, hate my mind.

you come to help when it's too late.

when i've done the harm, when i've been unkind.

now i look down at the white brushes of paint dashed across my thigh.

close my eyes, see that night, see that blood.

so many times i've had to lie.

drag these voices through hell, my mind gone through mud.

yet here they are, whispering cracking words to my ear.

i want this to be my last year.

fuck... i can't do this anymore.