Dive In (Fuenciado)

Because Without You Nothing Ever Mattered

VIC POV

Toronto was great so far. I've only been here a day and a half I met a strange yet interesting guy by a waterfall. I'll be visiting that spot more often. Now that I think about it, he probably thought I was going to jump. I wasn't, really; I just wanted to dance on the edge. I know I'm spontaneous, but not that spontaneous. But what was that guy's name again? Jaime. What an interesting name to suit an interesting guy. Now that I think about it, he was pretty good looking. His teeth were perfectly straight and when I turned around the dimples around his smile were pretty evident. I don't know why he was smiling at me, I mean, I'm not much of a looker.

Just then my phone starting buzzing indicating a call.

*little bro<3*

Oh shit. I totally forgot. Okay, I didn't quite forget, but I was hoping he would let me alone. He should let me take control of my own life and let me get a grip on things my own. I can't be dependent on my little brother forever. I can't answer. I can't talk to him on the phone right now. He'll have so much to say at one time and I can't handle that. I'll pull my hair out.

*little bro<3*

Stop calling, Mike.

Mike: What the fuck? Since you won't answer the phone, I know you'll at least see this message & get tired of not replying.

Well, he's not wrong. The guilt would literally eat me alive.

Me: I'm assuming you read the note.

Vic, you idiot, of course he did. That's exactly why he's contacting you.

Mike: Yes, I did! Explain urself now, Vic! Me, Ma, & Pa are worried sick about you. I don't know what ur doing & I don't even know if ur okay.

What am I supposed to tell him? Every second I spend living is another second I'm dying.

Me: Mike, it's complicated. Yes, I'm fine if you mean I have a place to stay & everything. But if you mean mentally fine, no, I'm not. My brain just goes through a lot of stuff that I can't process or handle so I self destruct. I can't lean on you for support anymore & like I said, I need to do something to help myself and this is it. I wouldn't expect you to understand.

He didn't reply for a few minutes. And I was kind of glad. I feel free now that I can do what I want for myself. And who knows? Maybe I would run into this Jaime guy again. I can't really dream, though.

When Mike finally did reply, I was surprised. He wasn't mad like he was before. I expected him to disown me as a brother or threaten me with something, but he didn't try anything like that on me. I still feel like shit, though.

Mike: Ok, Vic. I trust you. Do this for urself but PLSS be careful. Ur still my big bro & I have always looked up to you. Just stay alive. Ur all alone right now and I'm telling you stay alive. I love you. We all do. But can you tell me where you are?

Vic: Thanks, bro. I love you, too. But no, I can't. It's relatively far and no one knows where I'm going.

With that said, I hit send and turned off my phone. I don't really want to see what he has to say about that message because we are so close and he's probably hurt I won't tell him. And the part about staying alive. Why does everyone think I want to kill myself? I mean, aside from the fact that I do and don't have the balls to do it, but everyone makes assumptions. I don't know if killing myself will do anything, anyway. I feel like I'm already dead.

Sleepwalking, even.

---

I decided to walk down the small road from my hotel. Nothing but small shops lined the streets. This was the suburb area, and looking back you could see the huge city with it's immense skyscrapers. I wanted to be more on the quiet end. Back in San Diego, there was always bright sun and warm weather, but it was missing something. It was missing the change and cold and the nature I was seeing here. And I liked it.