A Bit More of You

Chapter Seventeen: Under Pressure

(Photo from scrapbook: Mum holding baby me, 1962)

"Mum! Oh God, Mum!"

I flung myself on the floor, kneeling over Mum's poor, limp body. I collapsed on top of her, holding her close and sobbing. Her face was pale and damp with sweat, and she smelled awful - like stale drink and sick. I cried all over her, wishing and praying that she would be all right.

"Mum, please be fine," I whimpered. "Please wake up... Please don't die."

Mum suddenly coughed and spluttered, surprising me so much that I nearly dropped her. Her eyes fluttered open but looked horribly red and bloodshot. Her hair was in good need of a wash, hanging limply in her face and shiny with grease. She looked so small and sad lying in my arms that I cried harder.

"Oh, Mum! What have you done to yourself?" I wept, brushing her hair away from her damp, pale face.

Mum peered at me, her eyes sad littke slits. She didn't seem to realize who I was. That scared me even more.

"Mum, it's me... Georgia."

"Oh, hello," Mum said thickly. Her breath was so horrendous that I wrinkled my nose. "What are you doing here?"

"I... I came home," I stammered. "Things didn't go the way I planned, so I packed my bags and left."

"Did George drop you home?"

I shook my head. "No, and I'm glad he didn't. I hate him."

Mum's red eyes popped in astonishment, like I'd just said a rude word. "You don't hate him, Georgia. He's the best man in the whole world. We love him, darling."

"You might well love him, but I think he's horrible."

"Stop it! Just stop it!" Mum shouted. She pulled away from my grasp and struggled to sit up straight. Her beady, bloodshot eyes glared at me. "You need to stop being so negative all the time, Georgia! It's getting on my nerves and I hate it."

"I have every right to be negative, Mum!" I retorted. "I have the most dishonest man in the world for my dad! Of course I should be negative!"

"Shut up, you mean-spirited little cow!" Mum snapped, seizing me by the shoulders and shaking me hard. "George is a wonderful man and you should be grateful to even have a dad! I didn't have a dad for a large portion of my teenage life, and when he found me again I was thrilled! I didn't dismiss him entirely!"

"You're so stupid, Mum! I didn't have a dad for my entire life! You wouldn't even tell me everything about him!" I paused then added quietly, "And I'm glad you didn't. I didn't want anything to do with him, and I still don't."

"Yes, you do! You do want something to do with him!" Mum shouted, practically in tears. "He wants you to be his daughter! He wants to love you! He wants to love us!"

"No, he doesn't!" I yelled back, starting to cry myself. I wasn't crying because of Mum's ugly, drunken temper. It was more due to the fact that I knew something big that she didn't, and it would crush what was left of her hopes to be with the man she loved.

"Stop it," Mum said crossly. "Honestly, Georgia, you're such a silly baby sometimes!"

"I'm not the silly one!" I wept. "You're the silly one, Mum! You still believe that George wants you! He doesn't! He just doesn't! He's got his own family and his own life and... and..."

"And what?" Mum said. Her tone was still edged with anger, but I could see the childlike fear in her dark brown eyes. She was just as scared as I was.