Butterflies- A Michael Jackson story

"Jealousy"- Chapter 12

Michael's Pov

It's now about 2 hours later and me, Saga and the rest of my crew have arrived at the venue to rehearse and soundcheck before the concert. It's the last concert I will do here in New York, the next one is 12th of march in St.Louis.

I hear the drums behind me on stage beginning to count down the song "1..2..3". I lift the microphone to my mouth and begin to sing. We are currently sound checking "Human nature" since I have noticed a few mistakes in the instrumental parts during earlier performances. I want everything to be near perfect, every instrument to sound like I want it. Like the fans want it. It's very important to me.

I walk around on stage as I sing but I am extremely careful when singing, don't want to lose my voice before the concert. Saga's standing alone down by the stage looking at me, her red dress really popping out among all the black.

I'm still embarrassed by the questions I was asked during the interview. I was really taken on the spot. I mean everything I said was true. I did think Saga was beautiful, and I didn't see no reason to why we couldn't envelop into something more. The problem was just that we had known each other for about 12 hours then and I wasn't really prepared for answering those kind of questions. Besides, if I actually got those kind of feelings towards her, the last thing I would want to do is confess them during an interview. I hope she didn't mind my answers, I tried to answer them truthfully but at the same time I couldn't reveal to much to the public.

I snap back from my thoughts. This is work, serious business. I can't daydream of no girl I think to myself. But I can't contain myself from watching her a few times while I walk and dance around on stage. She looks as if she's enjoying it with a little smile on pink her lips, which makes me really glad.

I walk back to the drummer to make some changes in the first few songs we rehearsed. When I turn around again I see someone, a guy standing with Saga. They are talking and she throws her head back in laughter. I get a lump in my stomach. Relax Michael, they are just talking I think to myself trying to calm me down. If they for some reason did more than talk, why would I care? She is just a fan, nothing special. It's none of my business.

The next song starts and I have to tore my eyes from the guy and Saga. I decide to just watch the dancers and listen to the instruments this time. The dancers are doing a great job, dancing just as I would like them to. I get taken away by their grace in the moves, so magnificent and smooth. The instruments need a few changes though.

I hear someone yell "Take 5" and I get handled a water bottle from someone on my right. I take a few cold sips. I look over at Saga again, the guy still talking to her. What is his problem? Doesn't he have work to do? I come in contact with Saga's eyes and smile a little, lifting my hand to wave. She waves back smiling.

I decide to walk down to her infront of the stage and are just on my way down the stairs when I see the guy writing something down on a piece of paper and handing it to Saga. What the? He's giving her his number? I feel nauseous. Saga smiles as she takes the piece of paper and puts it in her bag, they don't seem to notice me standing in the stairs watching them closely. It's not like I can blame her though for liking the guy. He's very tall and muscular with wavy blonde hair and golden brown skin. I can see his white perfect smile from here.

My self esteem drops. I am not muscular, i'm not blonde. I've never felt good about the way I look. When I look myself in the mirror I can't help but see the things I want to change. The things that aren't good enough. I've never been the guy that the girls falls for. Back in the Jackson 5 days the girls always fell for my brothers, usually Jermaine or Marlon. Guess that the feeling of rejection has followed me through the years, giving me a feeling that i'm never enough -and Saga talking to that guy didn't help.