Butterflies- A Michael Jackson story

"Hotel room with a balcony"- Chapter 14

Michael's POV

I finish the last part of a song when I turn around and see Saga lying on the floor, not moving. I stop breathing, what happened? The impulse to run over to her overwhelms me but i'm in the middle of the concert. I can't just run off.

I gesticulate to the drummer too keep the music going as I point towards Saga trying to make him understand. He sees her laying on the floor and nods.

Karen has arrived by Saga's side as I start running backstage. The fans in the crowd doesn't seem to notice that this isn't a part of the show. As soon as I get to them I fall on my knees gently placing Saga's head in my lap. "What happened?" I ask Karen while brushing some hair out of Saga's grey face. Her eyelids are closed, making me think the worst.Is she dead? I feel my hand shake as I gently place them on her neck,searching for a pulse. I breath out when I find it, it's weak but it's still there.

"I don't know. She was just sitting there on the chair and then she fell on the ground" I hear Karen say sounding worried.

"Get me a wet towel and water" I yell frustratedly. Why is no one helping her? I feel so helpless, not knowing what do to about the situation. I hate knowing that someone is hurt but not being able to do anything about it. Should she go to the hospital? The stress and adrenaline rushes through my body. The performer in me screams that I should be on stage, not here where I'm not even doing anything good. But at the same time I don't want to leave her side until I know that she's okay.

A few seconds later I get handled a wet towel and a bottle of ice cold water. I gently place the wet towel on Saga's forehead and immediately see her eyes fluttering and then open. The feeling of relief goes through my body. She is going to be okay. By now there is a crowd around us, all trying too see what's going on.

Her eyes seem having trouble focusing on me and at first she don't seem to recognize me. The music is still playing on stage, I need to hurry back for the next song soon. She makes a confused face as she tries to sit up but I gently press her head back in my lap. Don't want her to get dizzy.

"Are you okay?" I ask her with frowned brows as I carefully strike her cheek with one hand. They are wet, has she been crying?  She still looks confused but nods to my question as I hand her some water. She takes it and drinks carefully.

"Michael you need to get back on stage" I hear someone behind me say and Karen immediately say "I'll take care of her from now" and I cast a questioning look at Saga, silently asking her if she'll be fine. "Go! I'm fine" She says forcing a smile. I get the feeling that she's telling me that. She probably knows that I won't go back on stage if she doesn't say that she's okay. It works though and I help her up on her feet handing her to Karen before running on stage starting the next song.

I see her get placed on the chair again after a few songs and I feel relieved that she didn't need to go to the hospital. I watch her from stage. She still seems a little bit dazed and her face is slightly grey but otherwise she seems fine.

I want to put a smile on her face, make her happy again and make her forget what just happened. So I do what I know will make her smile. I know that I embarrass her when I sing lyrics looking at her when dancing, because she constantly hides her smile behind her hands and her cheeks turn red. But I can't stop doing it, it's so fun seeing her reaction. I walk closer to her and waits until I get eye contact, then I sing:

"I wanna rock with you

All night

dance you into day

I wanna rock with you

we're gonna rock the night"

I start giggling in the microphone when she gives me the reaction I was waiting for, quickly putting her hands over of her mouth. I turn my attention back to the screaming crowd as I sing the last few songs and then end the concert with a final bow.

I'm so grateful for my fans. They are constantly backing me up, letting me do the thing I feel like I was born to do. Sing, dance and make music. After a concert like this I always get emotional, because of the constant love towards me.

Off stage I quickly make my over to Saga, who's now standing at the food table. My favorite place. I smile as I walk up to her.

"Hey, are you okay?" I ask sounding worried

"Yes, i'm fine" she says as she eats a candy from the table

"What happened over there?" I can't let this go so easily.

"Oh, I just... ehuum got an anxiety attack" She speaks low, I almost can't hear her. I frown my eyebrows. Anxiety attack? I've had those before but I have never passed out. I know how bad they are but I can't even image having one as bad as hers, making her pass out.

"Do you want to talk about it?" I ask looking her in the eyes. I want her to know that i'm here for her, listening to whatever she has on her heart.

Whenever I get an anxiety attack I always feel so lonely, thinking that not one person in the world will understand me. I don't exactly have someone to talk too about it either, since i'm so scared of letting people into my life. I don't want Saga to feel that way about this. I want her to feel like she can say anything to me.

"Not really" She says looking down on the ground her voice cracking a little. Her words hurt. Doesn't she trust me enough to tell me? I don't want to push her to tell me though so I let it go, even though it hurts me seeing her this sad. It's clearly bothering her and making her upset. I want to make it better for her, but if she doesn't want to let me in there's nothing I can do about it. Maybe she didn't want to talk about it here backstage I try to convince myself to make me feel better.

Together with the guards we slowly make our way back to the hotel. It takes about 2 hours, us constantly getting slowed down by the paparazzi that's waiting outside of the venue and hotel.

Once inside the hotel I talk to Frank in the big lobby. He has arranged a room for Saga to stay in and hands me the keys. Room 583, the room next to mine. I try to hold in a smile as I lead Saga towards the big elevator on the side of the room and gives her the keys.

"Room 583?" she says while glancing at me. I just shrug my shoulders as I smile. I try to look after something in her face, something that can tell me if she likes having the room next to mine. I can't read it though since she looks away fro my gazing eyes.

--

We step out in the long corridor, it's almost empty besides a few guards standing and talking at the end of the hallway. Small lamps are placed alongside the wall casting a yellow dim light on our faces. We slowly walk towards the rooms and stop outside the door to room 583 since it's the room closest to the elevator.

"I think my assistant left you a bag of clothes and essentials in there." I say

"Oh thank you!" Saga says while trying to open her hotel room with the keys

"I was wondering if you maybe wanted to watch a movie later? I mean after I have showered and stuff" I say awkwardly, trying hard to sound casual.

She turns her head towards me and shyly says "Yes that would be fun" before opening the door. I see her mouth fall open as she realizes how big her room is. She takes a few steps inside while letting the door remain open for me too walk inside.

"Wow, you really didn't need to get me one this big" she says while looking at me with guilty eyes. As if she was feeling bad for me getting her this room.

" It's no problem" I say shrugging

"Oh god I have a balcony" she shouts as she runs towards it. I can't help but smile as I follow her to the door. She turns to me with eyes shining of happiness and joy as she jokingly says "My room's better than yours".

I laugh as I say "I guess I better go and shower, but i'll see you later?". She nods and I turn my heel and walk out of her room, carefully closing the door.