Animal

.:22:.

Giselle led me back to the village in silence. Neither of us said a word, as there was nothing left to say, even though questions were racing in my head like a train that never came to a stop. It made me angry: the fact that these questions were going unanswered, and that if I asked I wasn't sure if I would get the answer I wanted, if any.

"Alright, it's about..." Giselle flicked her wrist and lifted up to her face, revealing a watch. "... 11:30 right now. You have a long day ahead of you, yet. You're going to be starting it with Silo, who is going to show you the rest of the village, introduce you to some people, and tell you about our rules and customs."

"What about you?" I dared myself to question curiously, looking at her.

She smiled at me, gesturing her hand to the council building. "I have some damage control to do," she stated, dropping her hand and looking me over. "You'll wait for Silo here. No moving."

"Yes, ma'am," I said sarcastically, adding a salute and an eye roll.

Giselle frowned at me and shook her head. "You need to work on your attitude."

I sniffed, wrinkling my nose in distaste at the mere suggestion. "I'm not going to change anything, no offense, just because nobody likes me as I am."

"This isn't a matter of whether or not your liked," she snapped, taking me by surprise. She was so calm moments before, very put together. Now her voice was sharp, her eyes burning with urgency and disapproval. "Being apart of the group means you need to be willing to work with these people, to call them family, to be flexible. You acting like a child will not help you here."

I resisted the urge to snarl at her like the dog I am. Instead I mentally pushed a blazing Shark to the very back of my mind, knowing she was the main cause of my anger these days on top of my own stubborn personality. "I am not acting like a child," I responded as calmly as I could. "I'm acting like a teenage girl who's scared, who feels alone, confused, and uses her personality as a way to make herself seem less weak in the situation."

"You don't have to hide how you feel here, McKenzie," Giselle said, her eyes remaining the same but her tone dimming down, softening. "You can allow yourself to feel those feelings, and we can listen. We do not judge here, you are free to be yourself."

"And me being mouthy and hotheaded is apart of that," I shot back, collecting pieces of my breaking wall before she could finish breaking it down.

"I know that, but you're lashing out because you're hiding how you feel. I understand that you're naturally strong-headed, a loner of sorts, sarcastic...But that doesn't mean you need to continue block us. We're family now, whether or not you like it, and you need to realize that being scared is not the same thing as being weak. Fear is a humane and natural response, and for someone your age, you're handling it very well, but you're also causing unneeded anxiety and a hell of a lot of stress."

I grew silent, unable to give a valid response to Giselle. I just sat there in quiet misery, wanting to say many things but not saying them. What the fuck was wrong with me? Since when have I ever held my tongue? It's not like I was going to ask her about her goddamn sex life, I wanted to ask questions about the shift, the group, all of that. But something held me back.

"What now?" I bitterly managed out instead, looking up at her again and folding my arms over my chest. "Do I just stand here and wait for Silo?"

"That's what I told you to do, isn't it?"

I huffed. "I'm not patient, if you haven't noticed."