Assigned To Kill (Luke Hemmings)

Epilogue

People say that there is someone out there for everyone, no matter how broken or damaged those people may be; they are still out there. Waiting until you least expect it, they come into your life - usually without warning - and completely change everything you ever thought about love and relationships.

I never used to be one of those people.

Since the night of my parents death, I hadn't allowed myself to get close to people in an intimate way. Of course, I had kissed people and had sex with them but it was meaningless, it didn't mean a thing to either of us. Looking back at it all now, I regret it. I had no idea that it was possible to let love get in the way because I had seen first hand what love could do to people so naturally, I refused to let myself love. I didn't want to put myself in that situation. You could say I took the no emotion rule of being an assassin a little too seriously. Nobody could blame me.

When asked to describe love, you'd hear things like, 'It's when you can't live without them and are constantly thinking about them' or my favourite, 'You'd die for them'. If you had told me that last year, I'd have laughed in your face and told you to grow up. Seeing my parents die right before my eyes impacted my life in such a huge way that I refused to get close to anyone because I wouldn't be able to live with myself if something happened to the one I love because of who I am and what I do.

But then along came 5 Seconds Of Summer and like I hadn't expected, everything changed. Their bright personalities and charming smiles, they broke down my walls piece by piece until I could no longer deny it; they had wormed their way into my heart and I couldn't push them away.

Luke, however, held a special place in my heart that I tried to deny at every opportunity. I wasn't supposed to get close to any of them; it was supposed to be a job just like any other and then leave I'd without a trace. But every day that I spent with Luke, the more my resolve crumbled and the more my feelings began to get in the way. So I did what I do best. I hid it.

And that worked... for a little while at least. Until I could no longer deny it. Of course, me being me, I only realised the extent of my feelings the day he found out who I truly was so he hated me. Or at least I thought he did. Going round to his weeks after that incident, I just expected to say my piece and get out. I didn't expect in a million years that he still harboured feelings for me, that to my shock, were just as deep as mine. 

Try as I may to hide how I felt, Luke just had a way of getting under my skin and now that I had him, I wasn't going to let him go.

I knew it would be a long while before he could trust me again, I also knew it would be a while for him to be able to feel like I wasn't such a monster but we had agreed to work on a need to know basis only, so we hoped in time things would be okay. Fingers crossed. 

So when you find someone you love - truly love - then don't let that person go. No matter how much you think you don't deserve them, no matter what you have suffered in your life, no matter how scared you are they won't feel the same, don't let go. It's okay to be selfish sometimes, so if you love someone, tell them. Had an argument and they've stormed off? Chase them until you catch them and tell them how you feel. Think they like someone else? Tell them how you feel anyway, because you never know what they are hiding. You have to take risks or you won't ever know. You will be stuck with a bunch of 'what ifs' that will drive you crazy. Trust me, make sure you tell them how you feel. You may just regret it.

I had taken a risk with Luke, telling him how I feel. If I hadn't, I'd have gone on with my life not knowing that he felt the same, not knowing what it felt like to be in love with someone and to be loved in return. It's strange to think that he could love me and I know that I am not worthy of his love.

Yet I'm still here. I love him too damn much to let him go. 

So take it from me. If you love someone, tell them before it's too late. You'll be making the biggest mistake of your life if you don't.

Love came to me when I least expected it and swept me off my feet in an instant.

All because I was assigned to kill.