Countdown #NaNoWriMo2017

8...

After deciding that everything was going to be just like it was before my clock started, my day was bright and cheerful. When I reached work, everything felt like it had before. The atmosphere was light yet chaotic, the mood was high and energized, and my co-workers were all busy doing their work. It gave me assurance that things could still be the same, that I didn't have to worry.

Over half the work day went by though, and although my attempt was to act just like before, to not care, it was really hard when you knew there was a ticking clock on you chest, just counting down till the day you died. Out of the three options, that was the one I knew would most likely happen, or the one I wanted to happen. I wasn't suicidal, I was realistic.

Option one) You die when your clock stops ticking.

or

Option two) your soulmate dies when your clock stops ticking.

Living with the pain of your soulmate dying I heard is the worst pain imaginable, at least for the first couple years. I don't, and will never ever wish that type of pain on someone. After what happened seven years ago, I wasn't sure if I could withstand a pain like that and still live through it... come out of that pain as I did the other.

I felt like my life should have ended that day to be honest, so when I came out of it alive, I vowed to never worry about the little things again, to just enjoy life while I had it.

There is a third option, at least, it's an option that's spoken of but rarely ever happens. Though, it seems more like a fairy tale everyday that passes bye. Of course you hear about the once in a life time people, but you never really know them, so they are far out of a reach, just another wish upon a star. The third option is still believed in, or hoped in I should say, by many people, including Chyanne.

Option three) you find your soulmate.

Although people say these are the options for the end of your countdown, you don't get to choose it. You can't just pick option number three like it's a candy bar at the store. You just have to live with whatever hand you are dealt. If that means you die, then that's what will happen. You won't know how you die, not until it happens, so there's no escaping it. If it means your soulmate dies, then you have to live with that pain, that emptiness I've heard people speak of.

It's not like no one's ever gotten over it. The majority of people who go through it, live. It's the people like me, the one's who wouldn't be able to take it... they're the ones who can't get over it.

I exhale roughly, pushing those thoughts from my mind immediately. I rested my face on my palms, elbows leaning on the desk. So much for living like it didn't matter... I scoffed at myself mentally. Just as a bitter smile started to work it's way on my lips, my phone rang.

Without looking, I grabbed it and answered it, but right as I said "hello," the person on the other side started to talk over me.

"I don't want you to judge me for what I'm about to say and I don't want you to think of me any less, or look at me in a bad light, or anything like that after I say what I'm about to say but I hope you can just have an open mind and really not think negatively about what I'm about to say...right...this...minute." His voice came out in a rush, but totally calm at the same time. I was confused as to who called me, not recognizing the voice at all. I kept quiet though, not from confusion, but for interest in what he had to say, even though I knew I should probably tell him he had the wrong number.

"You owe Matthew twenty dollars, he was right. I'm not taking back what I said, I'm not changing what I believe just so you can win another bet, I'm not gonna lie about something as trivial as that, even if it makes me seem like a pushover or girly-" He started to go on a rant, sounding very serious and like he had more to confess. My hand was covering my mouth and my voice was building up in my throat, I just had to say something before he embarrassed himself. "-which I'm not . And I might have said it on a whim when we were all drinking, but you know the saying, 'a drunken mans words are a sober mans-'"