Trigger and Bullets

bullet 14 - dusk to dawn

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Bullet fourteen

Binuksan ko ang shower knob at hinayaan ang maligamgam na tubig na bumuhos sa akin. Sana kaya ng tubig hugasan lahat ng nangyayari sa akin ngayon. Sana. Kaso, hindi. I was screaming inaudibly, I mean I was screaming in my oh-so-fvcked-up mind. Not long ago my life was so dull, how did it turn to be like this?

I didn't know how may minutes or hours I stayed standing--with my clothes on--under the shower. Pagkatapos ko mabasa ang mensahe ni Mommy kanina, para akong zombie na pumasok sa bathroom. Nakakablangko ng pag-iisip ang nasa papel na iyon. When I got off it was already dusk and I was not sure what to do next or what to expect. But I knew there's one thing I need to change... my useless whinning.

Ibinato na ako sa gitna ng mga nagwawala at gutom na ahas--well, that's how it felt. Wala na maitutulong ang pag-co-complain ko sa nagbato sa akin at sa mga nagpalaki sa mga ahas.

Gusto ko siyang tawagan upang ilinaw niya ang lahat-lahat, subalit ang unang katagang nasa liham niya ang sabi ay huwag. Do not call me.

Gusto ko lumipad patungong Italya and find comfort in her arms but she wrote 'Do not come near me'.

Gusto ko sabihin kay Zeus ang tungkol sa sulat ngunit...

Act as if you don’t know anything. Do not trust anybody else but me, like how I trust no one but you now.

Puro mga 'Do not--',  maliban sa pinaka-katawan ng liham niya.

 

Under the fridge there is an old key. You have to find the room as soon as possible. Dungeons or towers. Do this now.

 

Margareth is alive. You have to save her. Wait for my signal. She has to live.

So, Margareth's alive. That thought made me happy... thankful, indeed. Come to think of it walang narecover na bangkay, I just told them she was taken. There had been no proof she was really dead. And there had been no proof she was still alive, too. Ang balitang ito parang bumawas din sa guilt na dinadala ko. Hell, kailan ko pa natutunang ma-guilty?

  

Kung buhay si Margareth bakit ako ang maglilitas sa kanya? Bakit hindi na lang sina Zeus para pantay ang laban? How will I? How CAN I?

Sa buong liham, ang huli lamang ang nais kong isipin.

 

We are in this together, you are not alone.

-Lizabeth

I just had to believe on those last lines, although it felt the reverse.

Isang beses ko lang binasa ang mensahe ni Mommy but I had memorized it by heart. Pati tuldok na ginamit niya. Pati mga dent sa papel natatandaan ko.

"Eh eh? What are you doing, kid?"

I flinched when I heard Zeus' voice, ibinulsa ko ang susing kinuha ko mula sa ilalim ng refrigerator. I looked around. Teka, nasa lobby na ako. How the hell did I reach the lobby? Hindi ko maalalang lumabas ako sa unit ko. I checked if I was wearing something... I was. I was dripping wet!