I've never experienced it. My body has never experienced any type of pleasure and my lips have never been kissed.
You wouldn't believe it. I'm just a good girl. I finished high school but decided college was not for me. I did happen to go to business school and get my business license. Maybe I would do something with it one day.
Right now I was just focused on my present life. My father payed all my bills. He had been a long time business man and you could say we were rich but I'd always enjoyed being a regular high school student. I wasn't too flashy.
The boys they were never that important to me either. I hated wasting my time. My past relationships were a waste of my time. That's something I couldn't waste. I don't know how much God has given me.
" Hey Ms.Lotus " I was now at the doctors office to get my monthly checkup. This time it was a " vaginal checkup " if you know what I mean. I hated them. I felt violated. That's another reason I hadn't had sex since my Uncle I felt my body was nasty looking.
" just prop your legs up here " Dr. Smith said pointing to the leg holders on the examination table.
" have you recently had sex ?" he asked me looking at my vagina awkwardly.
Now Dr. Smith was the type of man that would make you come out of your panties. For him to be a Gynecologist he was a fine man.
" no sir.. Why " I asked hesitant.
" It looks as if your Vagina has been severely damaged " he was looking inside.
Oh I just felt so nasty.
I had never told my doctor about my rape but I guess I had too now.
" About three years ago I was raped "
" I'm sorry to say but it looks as if he had really done some damage internally " he stopped looking at my vagina and looked at me.
" good news, things like this heal overtime, while bad news, it can permanently damage something inside "
" we are going to run some tests and it'll take a few days for the results to get back to us"
" okay is that it ? Am I fine? "
" yes, like always " he winked at me.
Dr. smith wasn't a bad looking man now that I actually payed him attention. He reminded me of Rick Fox . He was just much older than me.
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After taking all the samples he needed from my vagina.. It left me feeling a little sore down there.
After he left the room I put on my regular clothes instead of the itchy gown they tell you to wear for the examination and proceeded to leave.
"Bye Mrs.Harris " I said waving at the receptionist. she was a close friend of my moms. Much older woman.
My phone was buzzing.
" Hey daddy's princess "
My dad never got the memo I turned 21 and not 12.
" I'm too old for that daddy " I whined. " where you at ?"
" leaving the doctors office "
" oh lord I'm having a little grandbaby"
" you wish "
" well damn it was worth a try "
" bye daddy I love you and I'll call you later " I was sleepy and ready to get home. I needed a hot bath to soothe myself.
I was getting out of my car when I heard my name being called. I decided to ignore it the first time since I was always being harassed.
But I heard it again.
When I turned around to see Who called me I was hit in the head with something causing me to feel dizzy and yanked by my hair to the ground.
" your uncle told me about you , I just came to get some of what you got " the unknown man said.
" well you better keep looking cause I'm not giving you Shit " I said with tears Coming down my cheeks.
He kicked me in my ribs causing me to cough up blood. I was a mess. This man was beating me and I felt so much lower than I already did.
It was darker outside than usual and He began dragging me to my front door.
I kicked and kicked.. But he had a real hold on me.
Like the people always say God's always on time.
" aye what the hell's going on over here " I couldn't see the mysterious Mans face due to my blurred vision.
" nothing man, I'm just trying to get some some of her , you want in ? "
Next thing I heard was a bunch of movement and then someone fell hard to the ground.I was being picked up bridal style. I couldn't help but wince and flinch at the pain.
" what's going on ? who are you? Where are you taking me " it stings my eye to cry so I tried not to but all these questions were running through my mind.
I heard a car door open and I was layed out on the back seat.
A few minutes later. . We were at Miami Memorial Hospital.
Where I was then being carried in by the unknown man. I just knew i had to thank him once i felt a little better.
" Help!!! , she needs help she's been beaten " he yelled. In my head I was still wondering who this mystery man was. When I healed I wanted to thank him for everything for sure.
They took me on a stretcher and I was on my way to getting treated. I had a broken rib and black eye.
I deserved all of this. What the hell was I thinking finally starting to love myself. Nobody will eve love something like me.
I cried and cried thinking about how my own uncle could hurt me in such a way i could never forgive him. I had no reason now to feel like i was beautiful. All men wanted to do was rape me .. not marry me or be with me.
All the fake love and attention given was always for that one thing my uncle took away from me. My innocence and I haven't felt the same since.
I turned away from the man and somehow I felt i could trust him so I let him stay with me all night. After all he was my savior.
Drifting off to sleep I had finally managed to hold back the tears I had left waiting to release in somebody's arms. Preferably my dad's. I couldn't wait to see him tomorrow.
