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by pastydevan

by pastydevan

Josh

"Gangsters don't cry therefore I'm mister misty eyed.." Tyler read aloud from his notebook. song book?

"What are you writing, Ty?" I'd always call him Ty. I don't remember a time when I called him Tyler. He looked at me, his face unreadable. Maybe he wanted me to leave.

"What are you doing down here and how did you get down here?" he asked. Still nothing. Not a frown, not a smile. Nothing. His mom told me he'd be down here. She told me he'd be happy to see me. She looked like she was regretting her decisions as she unlocked the basement door where Tyler was. Why lock yourself in a basement? Why? I asked silently. I see why now. It's amazing down here.

"I wanted to say hi (im sorry) and your mom let me down, she said you-" he stopped me right there.

"No one is allowed down here, she knows." he was furious. Maybe furious is too strong of a word. Extremely upset. Because of me? His Mother?

"I'm sorry, Ty. I'll go."

"Leave," he told me at the same time I apologized. He wanted to yell at me to get out, I could tell. His voice, his hands, shaking. He wanted to tell me I was never welcome in the first place.

I had a lot of time to think about my feelings toward Tyler. I decided I needed to get away from him, forget him. I didn't want these feelings but they came. I fought them but not anymore. I'm in love with him. He makes me want to do unspeakable things. I wanted him right on that couch in his living room.

I could look right into Tylers bedroom but he always kept his curtains shut tight. Today they were open. He's wearing a dress, that I'm guessing Jenna gave to him, and swaying to whatever to song he's listening to. Jenna wore that dress a week before Tyler broke up with her. I always notice what Jenna is wearing, you couldn't miss it.

Jenna and Tyler have been dating for 3 years. When I heard Tyler and Jenna broke up I was... I don't know.. satisfied, maybe? I know it's selfish but I never wanted him to date anyone. Not even me. But now, I want Tyler in everyway.

Tyler believed I was homophobic. I never told him that. I was so scared of the words 'gay' and 'fag'. The guys always through those words around. I was afraid they were going to be thrown at me. I hung out with Tyler. Tyler dated boys and girls. I only dated Debby and she was my 'im not a fag' card. I stayed with her for as long as I could. I don't care anymore. I know what I want. I know who I want.

Tyler saw me and rushed to close the curtains. He's angry, I understand. I'm going to go over tomorrow.. I'm going to show him my love.
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Word count: 499