Never Let Go

Chapter Four

--VANESSA'S POV--

"She's right, it is my fault." Ashton mumbled so quietly, I wasn't sure if he was even talking to me. I sighed and sat down next to him on a white chair in front of Lou's hospital room.

"Ashton look at me."

He looked up at me, his eyes bloodshot. Only then did I realise that the sparkle he usually had was gone.

"This isn't your fault. Nothing that's after happening is your fault. Bex is just upset."

I took his hand and held it tightly, not sure if I was trying to convince him or myself. It pained me to see Ashton so broken, especially over Lou. I stared at him taking in the pale skin and the dark bags under his bloodshot eyes. He was clearly a mess.

"You don't understand Vanessa! It is my fault!If I wasn't such a bad boyfriend, Lou would still be here. I knew she was scared of heights but I still made her go on that cliff. I told her nothing bad could happen and look where it got her."

He buried his face in his hands and his shoulders began to shake, telling me he was crying once more.

"Ashton, she wanted to go up that cliff, it's not your fault. You know how she is, she's so stubborn that it's nearly impossible to make her do something she doesn't want to do."

"I shouldn't have let her." He muttered to himself.

I took his hands away from his face and held them tightly. "It's not your fault." I repeated slowly, hoping my words would sink in and convince him.

Ashton withdrew his hands from mine and buried his face into my shoulder, immediately causing butterflies in my stomach. I shouldn't be enjoying this, I scolded myself. I wrapped my arms around him and held him, stroking his curly hair softly. I had always been there for him, but he never needed me. He had had Lou instead.

"Do you think she'll ever forgive me?"
I bit my lip. Of course she would forgive him. She loved him more than anything. But so did I. Yes, I loved Ashton Irwin. I had since the day I first saw him. My mind wandered back two years, to when I first met Ashton.

"Vanessa!" My twin yellded as he walked through the door into the living room where I was sitting.
"What?" I yelled, my mouth full of the cupcake I had stuffed into my mouth, seconds before.
"I want you to meet someone."
"Oh shit." I muttered as I tried to swallow the cupcake.
Following Michael was a boy with blond hair, a very hot blond boy. I felt my heart skip a beat when he smiled the biggest smile I have ever seen and gave me a wave. "Hi I'm Ashton."
I desperately tried to swallow the large amount of cupcake in my mouth, but managed to cough and spit it out on the carpet instead. I stared down at the carpet, my face burning red. "Hey, I'm Vanessa."

I was still embarrassed by that, but he seemed to like me. That is, until he met Lou. Lou had come over to my house and of course as soon as Ashton saw her, he ignored me for the rest of the day. For the next two years in fact. As selfish as it sounded, I couldn't help but feel happy that Lou was in a coma. Ashton finally needed me and as guilty as it made me feel, my feelings for him were still as strong as the moment I first laid eyes on him.

"Vanessa what are you staring at?" Ashton interrupted me from my thoughts.

"I...uhh...sorry..." I stuttered, caught off guard.

"Erm okay. So what do you think? Do you think she'll forgive me?" His cheeks were wet from his previous breakdown.

I hesitated before saying. "Of course she will, she loves you more than anything and nothing can change that."

"What if she never wakes up, it would be all because of me." Fresh tears poured down his face like a waterfall.

"Shhh..." I said soothingly rubbing his back. "She will wake up, don't worry about it. Calm down."