Magic || larry

15

Everyone has been stepping around him like a sudden movement will make him collapse. Ricky will only touch him in gentle caress after a drink and Louis won't meet his eyes on days they actually speak.

He knows he looks bad. He knows the circles under his eyes are disturbing and his hair is frail from lack of eating and his ribs don't look good pressed against his skin. He's back to how it was.

Ricky is backing to feeding prescriptions pills that should make his mind come back to life but what life? His boyfriend of four years won't marry him and his friend is scared of him. He's alone again.

He's curled up in bed, his eyes staring blankly at the wall as Ricky comes into their room and flicks on the light. Harry can feel him watching him and he can already taste the whiskey that will coat his mouth.

"Harry," Ricky just says his name. His simple name and Harry feels his pressure on his chest that begs him to pull himself together but he can't. He won't.

"Harry," Ricky tries again softer and Harry moves his eyes so they can look at him but then he looks away. A small gesture to show he can hear him. It's cold out now that autumn has officially hit and Harry keeps himself bundled up in sweaters and blankets and he sleeps.

"Harry, you can't keep doing this. You need to get out," Ricky sighs and Harry flicks his eyes back to him and then shrugs.

"Why?" Harry questions, his voice so disgustingly empty.

"It's not healthy for you to just lay in here," Ricky tells him and Harry pulls the blanket up tighter.

"Who cares? It's not like anyone will notice. Not like anyone cares," Harry spits. His sadness sometimes ebbs away and leads to anger. He has a lot of that lately.

"I care," Ricky tells him, his voice small and vulnerable.

"I thought you'd like this. Having me all to yourself," Harry keeps snapping, his sadness peeling further away and leaving him with raw rage. He's so angry about the life he has. He asked for one small thing, something that would tie him to Ricky forever and he was declined. Shut down. Unwanted by the only person to want him.

"That's not true. I never have said anything like that," Ricky snaps now and Harry loves the sound of him getting angry too. He wants him angry.

"You say it all the time! You keep me here, away from everyone and then don't give me anything in return. Not even something as easy as your love," Harry sits up now, his anger clear and evident. His resentment starting to show.

"You shut your mouth! I have done nothing but take care of you and love you! Don't you dare try to turn this on me!" Ricky is in full rage now. Harry wants to say he's scared but he likes the familiarity. He knows rage.

"Love me? You cheat on me and leave me! How's that love? Do you even think about me?" Harry screams back, his true feelings finally rising to the surface, tears falling down his face. For a month he's been depressed and keeping quiet. He's so tired of keeping quiet.

"I'm trying, Harry! I try so fucking hard to be better! I don't even know how but I'm trying!" Ricky looks like he might cry too and Harry hopes he does. Hopes the man finally gives in and cries.

"You can't blame your own father for everything," Harry tells him, his voice dropping low.

"Don't bring him into this," Ricky warns and Harry knows to step back. He knows to lay back down and pull the blankets up and keep quiet. He knows and yet...

"You turned out just like him. You treat me the way he treated you and your mother," Harry delivers the final blow. He screams when Ricky's hand goes through the wall and he knows he went too far.

"You shut your fucking slut mouth! You never appreciate anything I do for you! All I get if your tears and bullshit! And you want to talk about cheating? Let's talk about your mother's boyfriend? Derek right? Or Alex? Or Louis? How about we talk about all of them?" Ricky is sharp and quick and Harry flinches at each name.

"Those never happened," Harry mumbles, feeling guilt. He only slept with Derek which was unwilling. He kissed Alex once and Louis... Louis just gave him this funny feeling in his heart.

"Bullshit. Don't you try to play the victim when you're just as bad. If you have it so bad here than leave. Fucking go," Ricky keeps going and Harry feels like his insides have been scooped out. Leave?

"What?" He chokes and Ricky is still glaring at him.

"Leave. Get the fuck out," Ricky spits and Harry curls up, pulling his knees to his chest.

"I hate you sometimes. I hate you," Harry says the words out loud, wanting him to hear them. Wanting himself to hear them. He yelps when his head is pulled back by his hair and Ricky's face is right in front of his.

"Repeat that," Ricky orders and Harry closes his eyes.

"I hate you. I hate you like this. I hate this," Harry tells him, his voice weak but the words true.

He doesn't get hit like expected. Ricky shoves his head forward and he hits his forehead on his knees but that's it. The room is silent besides that. Harry manages to look up and the man is looking down at him.

"I hate you too. Happy? Is that what you want to hear?" Ricky asks him and Harry feels his heartbreak and he wants to bury himself in the earth and never have to face the sun.

"No-I-" Harry can't form a sentence together and Ricky is still just watching him, letting him fuck this up further.

"No what? What do you want? I'm letting you decide here because I'm fucking done with your shit. I'm done with your pity parties and moping around. If you hate it here leave but don't think about ever coming back."

Harry pauses and he feels this dread take over him. What has he done? He loves this man and he's fucking it up. He's throwing everything he has away for what? Because he's sad sometimes? Because he's selfish and can't appreciate how much Ricky has done for him?

"I don't hate you. I love you. I'm sorry. I love you," Harry sobs, placing his head back down on his knees and crying even more. How can he get mad at Ricky for doing what he knows? The man tries so hard for him. Harry's never appreciated all that he's had. He took his mother for granted and now Ricky too.

"It's okay. We'll work through this," Ricky sighs, his anger seeming to dissipate now that they've both stopped attacking each other.

"We will," Harry tells himself and Ricky sits down on the bed but away from his reach.

"No more mistakes between us. We're going to do better. Both of us. No more yelling or hitting or cheating or anything. Just us being better for each other," Ricky explains and Harry nods.

He thinks this is what he needs. A last chance for both of them. A final time to make this all right and they will. They have too. Harry doesn't think he can give out more chances after this.

He's thought that a lot though.