My name is Rebel

Part 14

That same night we slept separately, his touch and his warmth was missing so much that i barely got any sleep. i woke up while my eyes were open... i basically didn't sleep. i got up and as usual went to pee when i got back my sleeping bag was packed. 

"I could have handled it myself" i said picking it up. Cole handed me a Granola bar. I shook my head. "Im not hungry" i kept walking. He stood in front of me and stopped me. "You have to eat" 

"I'm not hungry" i said between clenched teeth. 

"Just take it" He insisted 

i grabbed the stupid granola bar and put it in my bag, then went around him and continued walking. 

six hours into the our walk and i was exhausted. every part of my body ached. Me and Cole weren't talking, i felt lonely.... i missed the small kids from the nursery even though they were standers.... they were pure, they didn't know what was really happening in the world, they were good. 

                                                                                                     ......

The next two days were the same, i had no appetite, I would force myself to drink but it wasn't enough. I felt weak, but i didn't show it.... At nigh Cole would hunt and come back with a good meal but as i said i had absolutely no appetite so i didn't eat. Cole seemed so far yet he was so close, he's changed ever since he told me about his job back at the standers territory and broke up with me. he won't come close to me. To be honest i didn't really want him to, i was horrified by him... but i also know I can't judge him for what he did but it still pained me and led me to ask myself if i really knew him, before all of this he was so kind, how can a man like him do such.... such terror.  five hours into our journey.... I had to keep going... Cole and I had no interaction, the only conversation we had was in the morning when he once again gave me a granola bar which i put away in my bag next to the one he gave me yesterday and the day before. For the part three days my mind was haunting me with thought of my mother, my father... my brothers.... I felt myself slowly dying inside.... the picture of my mothers lifeless body, the way the soldier held my head aggressively for me to watch her die.... i can still feel his touch, his cold fingers digging into my face, the voices, the screams.... my screams. I was losing it, this was too much, too much to take in.... i will never see them again... i know it... i can't handle this. Everything is spinning by now and before i knew it i lost my balance and crashed the last thing i heard was Coles voice. 

COLE'S POV:

I managed the first day, by the second day i thought i was losing it, we weren't talking ever since i told her we were better off separate. by the look on her face i realised what a mistake i made, she was crushed, i will never forget that look, her eyes filled with horror. I honestly didnt want us to break up, i did it for her, i thought that me being with her only caused her pain, especially when she found out what i was working at as a stander.... what i did to her brother, what someone else was doing to her father....  it was now the third day, i won't lie she didn't look good, i realised that at night she didn't get that much sleep but i didn't say anything about it because the most communication we had was the granola bar i forced her to eat. To be honest I'm heartbroken myself, I really do like her, I've been in relationships in the past but nothing compares to what i have with her, she's different, special. i wanted to help but I've made her pain worse than it was. I can't take this silent treatment anymore. 

I'm about to turn around but before i do i hear something fall, i quickly look back to see Alivia face down on the floor. 

"Alivia" I yelled and ran towards her.