1/16/10 12:09am
Dear Diary,
Edward ( @eddiewantsblood ) still has not returned, I am not worried anymore though, because I would wait for him until forever if I have to. A rush of emotions start pouring in when I even try to think I could leave him. The same thought runs through my mind, and the same words play on my lips but are never brought to the light, they are never spoken like they should be. I have fallen in love with him, and he doesn't even know it yet, because I haven't spoken this to anyone, well I have told my sister Rose ( @EternalBeauty_ ) she of course knows my true feelings for him. But I have not revealed this to him. I know he will understand, because he tried his hardest to be the one to capture my heart, and how easy it was. Today I did a lot of thinking, although my mind usually went to Edward, I still know what I must do, and what I must do, is tell him I love him, love him more than I ever thought I would love Damon, loved him more than anyone person can love another. I want to shout it out, I want to run all over, and search for him to tell him, but I sit back in this recliner and wait. I am a vampire, I could wait for decades if I must, although one hunting trip could not take that long. I do not understand his logic, but I know he means well, and even though he is gone at this moment, my undead heart is with him, even if he doesn't know it.
I suffered a full 48 hours of venom burning my entire body, what is a painless, loveless wait compared to that? I have thought of a solution to what must be done if he does not return to me, I will in fact head back to Italy, and this time I will serve Aro. He was very gracious to let me leave after I was turned. He told me I would always have a place in his guard, and if love is not for me, I know the guard will do me that justice, and fill this void in my empty heart. I think I will talk to my sister Rose about it in the morning, he and Aden have left for the night, and I am once again alone, but I am used to it, and I am glad Rose is happy. I am going to take a long walk, to try to clear my head, maybe I will run into Jacob again, he is always a help with my problems
-xx-
Bella
