Behind Closed Doors (Tibette)

Seasonal Break

*Season 2 of The L Word had finished*

Laurel's p.o.v

I was alone. I had my beautiful baby girl, Lola, but I was all alone.

I had received congratulations from everyone. Everyone exception for Jen. The person I wanted the most to congratulate me, to show she till cared, but nothing.

So I forgot about her. I let go of all the feelings I had for her. I had enough time before we began filming again to completely wipe her from my existence, as much as I could under our predicaments (co-stars).

Jennifer's p.o.v

I'm such a coward. I didn't know how to talk to her. I picked up my phone several times to call her, but everytime I looked at her name on my screen I felt light headed.

I've never felt this way about another woman. I didn't know what to say or how to act or even how to wrap my head around it.

Looking at her was impossible. Before I thought nothing of her, besides how great of a friend she was, but not I see her in a whole new light. I just wanted to melt into and indulge her. I had these throbbing sensations anytime I thought too intimately of her, which was several times a day. I just couldn't seem to get her out of my mind, no matter how hard I tried. It happened so often that I would just lay down and let my mind wander into the possibilities...so very endless. I was obsessed in an unhealthy way. I knew it too, but it was something about loving another woman for the first time that intrigued me and prevented me from coming to my senses. I wanted to experience every part of Laurel.

I kept thinking about how fucked up it was. Laurel liked me for so long, and all I ever did was disregard her. Now here I am, in the same situation.

"Jen..."
I began talking to myself out loud like a mad person.

"Jen...what are you going to do."

I paused, tears filling my eyes from how lost I was.

"Stop it."

I wiped my face but I couldn't stop.

My heart was telling me how much I loved Laurel. I always told myself that I would follow my heart because if I didn't...I wouldn't be living.

But my brain kept telling me to be logical. Laurel and I could never happen. That in order to be with her, I'd have to risk losing my husband and he was my rock.

But he wasn't the person I loved.

"Jen...do it. Let yourself experience."

My heart became my guiding decision.

It was time to talk to Laurel.

Suddenly I was filled with excitement and everything started to feel right...as if the universe was guiding me and telling me that Laurel is the person I'm meant to be with.

I couldn't just pick up the phone and call Laurel, though. She deserved more. For all of the pain I put her through. I had to do something...something worth forgiveness.

I began by creating a photo book. I loved taking photos and throughout our filming I had taken a few pictures of Laurel.

The first photo I chose was after we had shot an episode during season 1. Laurel and I went back to her trailer and when she sat on her couch, I immediately told her how beautiful she looked and how I just had to photograph her. She was hesitant at first, but she gave in. I sat on the trailer porch just photographing her beauty. She thanked me and said "you always make me feel amazing."

The second one I chose was of her pregnant belly. One day I made a joke by asking Laurel if she was having twins. She didn't take it very well at all and I had to insist that it was only a joke, but she just felt insecure. I then grabbed my camera and told her that she was a glowing babe and told her to pose. I lifted up her shirt to expose her baby bump. She was too embarrassed and only titled her head down, hiding her face, but I thought it was adorable and it added to the photo.