Lost and Found

l6

"And now you've grown up with this notion that you were to blame
And you seem so strong sometimes
But I know that you still feel the same
As that little girl who shined like and angel
Even after his lazy heart put you through hell"

Listen to Broken Angle by Boyce Angel

My blinked once. Then twice.

My eyelids fluttered open. The constant jarring through my skull made me painfully awake and aware of my surroundings. Contact of my skin against the coarse road surface made me wince in excruciating pain. I attempted to lift my head and looked down at my limbs. But it lasted for only milliseconds. I could only see the abrasions on my arms. It was then I was conscious of the painful abrasions that were still raw with blood seeping through the skin surface. The pounding headache became escalated and my head swam in a sea of dizziness. My eyelids drooped heavily and I slipped into unconsciousness shortly after. The last thing I heard was a familiar voice calling out, "Ka... kay..."

"Miss, miss! Can you hear me? Miss, miss! We are paramedics and you are being sent to the hospital. You were involved in an accident before. Miss, stay with me! Miss!" An unrecognizable
profile came into vision. I fought the urge to sleep. But failed eventually.

The scene changed.

My blurry vision cleared as I adjusted to the sudden glare of bright white lights, a huge contrast to the pale, stark white ceiling beam. The pungent smell of antiseptic stung my nostrils. My throbbing headache did not cease. It was milder than before in the least. I felt numb everywhere. Why am I in the hospital? What happened? Who was it? Who called me by my sobriquet? I shut my eyelids in exasperation. Then the chain events came flooding into my mind.

"Sweetie," Mum entered the ward. Her eyes were red and puffy and her body wracked with sobs.

"You are awake, you are awake, you are awake," she chanted like a mantra.

"Where's Parker?" I croaked. In a state of confusion and pain, I tried blocking away the memories that inundated me and focus on the current situation. It didn't make any sense. He was solicitous over my welfare like any other overprotective. He would be the first to rush here... I put two and two together and connected the dots. The familiar voice and silhouette - it was Parker. He was in that car. He was in that car. The car that came crashing towards me.

"It was him, wasn't it?" I took her silence as consent. I wanted to see him. Mum covered her face with her hands and choked up once again. She was too overwhelmed with grief and anguish to even care about my being. A pang hit me straight in my chest. It came to my senses that the situation was critical. My movements turned more hurried. I swung my legs over the bed. My toes barely kissed the ground and a dizzy spell ensued. I braced the pain and limped towards the reflective door. I saw my reflection and realized the presence of a thick, white bandage around my head. Before I could move another the step, the doctor came.

"You're supposed to stay in bed and not move around," he voiced out Doctor's instructions. But I could not be any bothered about him. Parker. Parker, I had to see him. The nurse whom I was not aware of, stood forward and helped me to my bed against my wishes. I resisted and screamed hysterically, "Let me see my brother! I want to see Parker! Let me go!"

The vice-like grip left a permanent red mark around my biceps. But I couldn't give a damn about it. I reiterated the same words over and over again, bawling uncontrollably. The tears that escaped my eyes rolled down my cheeks. I wanted to see Parker. Suddenly, it was like I was drowning and I was just a puny girl, powerless against the flow of the water in the treacherous waters. I let myself be washed down the drain like the pieces of debris around me as I felt energy wane from my body. My throat hurt so much, however; I refused to give in. I cannot give in.

Seconds later, a few other nurses irrupted, I was held down on the bed. I thrashed my arms wildly and cried. All throughout, Mum paid no attention to me. She stared forlornly into blank space. I was sedated and I was plunged into darkness. Against my wishes.

- - - - -

I was awakened. A single tear dropped onto the blankets. My chest was heaving erratically and I shivered so hard that my teeth was chattering. Silently cursing myself for my weakness, I bit my lip, hard enough for blood to be spotted. Conspicuous tears were streaming down unkempt face and leaving stains. Why? Why? Why? Did I really have an issue of insomnia? The recurrent panic attacks and nightmares were depriving me of my much needed sleep.

And there was Parker. I clutched tightly at my chest. The sound of his name left a hollow space in my heart. It was a inscrutable empty hole that could not mend or filled with any other. Despite dropping stupefying bomb about the secret of the household - my birth - at the very last minute, right before going the way of all flesh; despite lying to me for the past eighteen years of my life, he took up the role of a doting, loving brother, doing everything within his means to ensure my blissful childhood and shielding me from all harm and danger. He was my brother. I didn't care if he was not by blood. He would be my elder brother forever, no matter what happened.

I snivelled harder, willing myself to stop being such a weakling. I needed to be strong. I was not going to break the last promise I made with Parker. I can and I will be strong for Parker and myself. At the end of the day, I will do whatever it takes to find my biological family. Never mind the limited details I held in my hands.

'If there is will there is way,' his words rang within my head.

"If there is will there is way," I maffled under my breath, smiling slightly on my tear-streaked face. A surge of warmth hugged me as I imagined Parker all full of spirit, shooting me his signature smile at me.

I love you.

• • • • •
A/n

Up to this point, some may find the book cliché. But can I just add in that Jayce isn't your typical badboy. He acts like one sure - rude and scowling all the time - but have you guys ever thought that how one person behaves reflects what they've ever been through. *a tiny little spoiler* He had a hell of an experience and that was what shaped his personality. So try not to label him as --- A TYPICAL BADBOY --- Thanks.

-SmiLe:-)