I Don't Deserve You (A Johnlock Fic)

Chapter Six

Then I see your face, I know I'm finally yours. I find everything I thought I'd lost before. You call my name, I come to you in pieces, so you can make me whole.

~Red, Pieces

*Johns POV*

I must have pulled Sherlock with a bit too much force, because when we collided I fell backwards and Sherlock fell on top of me.

He looked down at me, completely bewildered by the turn of events.

"John?" he asked uncertainly, tilting his head to the side as he examined my face, looking thoroughly confused.

I let my head hit the floor with a dull thud. Shit. "I'm so sorry Sherlock" I sighed and closed my eyes, filing the memory of how soft his lips were away for future reference. Its not something that I'll be forgetting anytime soon.

"I don't know what I was-" I was cut off by a pair of soft lips tentatively brushing mine again.

My eyes flew open and I stared at Sherlock, whose face was hovering mere centimetres above my own.

He still looked unsure but his mouth was curved into a small smile.

"Never apologise. Not to me" he whispered. I felt my eyes widening in shock, does this mean Sherlock feels the same?

"John?" Sherlock's smile fell and his face became confused again. "Did I do something wrong?"

I let out the breath I had been holding and put my arms around his neck. "Oh Sherlock" I sighed and pulled him down for another kiss.

His lips were just as sweet and soft as the first time, the only difference being that now he was kissing me back rather than both of us awkwardly falling to the ground.

Despite the fact that he was kissing me back something was still wrong. All his movements were hesitant and he appeared to be unsure as to what he was doing.

We broke away and I tilted my head in confusion. "Sherlock.... Was that, your first kiss?" I asked and he turned scarlet.

"I told you when we first met, relationships are not really my area" he reminded me while looking away, clearly embarrassed.

I felt a massive grin covering my face. "Well, I'm glad that I was your first"

He smiled back at me tenderly. "Oh John, you are my first so many things"

It seemed to occur to him for the first time that we are currently lying on the floor, with him pinning me down.

He hurriedly got up and helped me to my feet while blushing furiously and muttering apologies.

I laughed "You don't need to apologise to me Sherlock". He grinned nervously "So you're not mad at me? For letting you think that I was dead?"

I felt my smile disappearing and Sherlocks face immediately fell in response.

"Look, Sherlock. I'm not happy about what happened, god knows how much pain I felt when I thought you where gone, but I'm not mad. I could never be mad at you, not really. We can't change the past and I suggest we don't dwell on it too much"

He nodded but his face was covered with so much raw emotion that I had to resist an urge to look away. Despite what some people think about Sherlock not having feelings I've always known that he does, but he's never been so open about them before.

"I didn't want to hurt you" he sounded so broken and lost and again I felt my chest aching at the thought of him in pain.

I stepped closer and grabbed one of his hands, intertwining our fingers. He looked down in surprise and I squeezed his hand softly.

"You're here now, that's what counts" I told him softly and he lifted our joined hands and brushed his lips against my knuckles lightly.

Then the shaking started.

"Sherlock, are you okay?" I asked in concern as he dropped my hand and sat down, covering his face as the shaking increased.

"Give me a second please, it will pass" his voice was muffled and sharp, as if I was intruding on something that he didn't want me to see.

I sat next to him stubbornly and touched his hand to let him know that I wanted to help.

He didn't respond and my concern grew when I felt how cold he was.

"Sherlock! What's going on?!?" He can't be sick, he was fine barely 2 minutes ago!

"I'm fine" he replied quietly and sure enough, only minutes later his shaking subsided, although his temperature remained slightly below normal.

He dropped his hands from his face and stared out the window with a distant look in his eyes.

"What the hell was that Sherlock?" I asked again with a tone that demanded an answer.

"You won't like the answer to that question" he barely moved his lips when he spoke and still didn't look at me.

"Sherlock" I warned him firmly and his jaw jutted out stubbornly. He turned his head slightly in my direction but didn't meet my eyes.

"Do you know that you're one of the only people who has ever treated me like a human being? I know it was my fault that we were separated, but without you I don't, I can't function"

He cleared his throat nervously and I got a really bad feeling in my gut. "What did you do Sherlock?" I am positive I'm not going to like this.

He lifted his sleeve in a similar way to how I did earlier when I showed him where I had cut.

Of course there weren't any cuts on his arm, but there was a small trail of needle marks.

"You started doing heroin again" I stated sadly and he nodded shamefully.

"I'm sorry John, I promise, no I swear I'll get clean again." His voice was pleading me to understand and I nodded slowly.

"I know Sherlock, it's alright - and I'll be with you every step of the way." I promised him, squeezing his hand in what I hoped was a comforting gesture.

"The same goes for you John, no matter how bad things get, know that I will always be here for you. I'm never going to leave you again."

A/N
Hey guys, with the heroin withdrawal I'm sorry if its a bit vague or if anythings incorrect, I don't really know much about drugs and drug withdrawal. I hope your enjoying it so far :)