Addicted

DEAR SOCIETY

"The world is such a disgusting place."

That's what most people say. But I don't think so. The world is full of great people even if they cut down trees or eat meat after seeing a live chicken being killed. I think society is the one who's disgusting. We're all in this state of mind that everything needs to be a certain type of perfect. We tend to blame the wrong ones for this state of mind.

I'm a guy and my name is Matthew Adams. I'm a senior at Riverview High School. I could be with a crowd of people but I'd still feel like these hallways are almost empty. Almost. Four years in that school and no one has made me laugh. I mean I'll fake one so I don't seem like a statue. No one really makes me happy besides my family.

My mother and my little sister, Melanie.

My mother has been through a lot. Dealing with our father's death and even almost her own. She is a cancer survivor. She had breast cancer while our father was alive. As for my health, I smoke and I'm on antidepressants. My family knows both of those things. My friends don't know about the antidepressants. Hopefully, they never do. And hopefully, I won't be needing them soon. Ever since my father's death struck me, I've been having negative and suicidal thoughts. I have tried to commit suicide, but my nine year old sister saved me. Now the pills are my new razor. So are the smokes. Everyone knows smoking is bad. I tried them hoping I'd have some disease and die. Ever since then, it's been addicting. It's the only way to escape empty hallways and society.

Next topic. My love life. I've liked girls. More like a girl and a bunch of leftover girls I thought were cute that my friends set me up with. They're just not my type. I've liked girls, I've never loved them.

By all these descriptions, I seem disgusting and dangerous. Like I'm the guy the daughter should stay away from. But, deep inside, I feel like I am the daughter. And society is the disgusting and dangerous place.