The Sideline

7: The Healing Process

U.g.o

Waking up my eyes stung, and my lungs were sore from crying. I was sure I looked a mess and my nose was probably bright red. I hesitated before grabbing my phone and checking the endless messages from....you know who. Thinking about last night made me feel sick, and his name made me feel even sicker.

I know it was just a kiss, but it was more about trust. I walk away for 5 minutes, and come back to him kissing some random girl. He probably didn't even know her name. The familiar jealous feeling burned in my heart once more. I shook my head and remembered the task at hand, checking my messages.

I had 23 unread messages from Harry and my stomach felt queasy.

Harry: babe please listen to me I need to explain.

It meant nothing please we need to talk.

Where are you at least let me know you're safe.

I'm sorry. Babe?

Please. I love you .

I swear I do.

I love you and no one else.

Babe I promise. Just listen to me.

I stopped at message 8 and scrolled to the last one.

Whenever you're ready, text me back we need to meet up and talk. I love you.

I took a deep breath, exhaling out of my mouth, and texted him back.

Me: I meet up with you at the coffee shop near my place in 10.

Harry: ok I'll be there, I love you.

He kept repeating those words. The three words I've said to him and meant them every single time, and I could tell he did, and still does everytime he said them.

I sighed and got out of bed. I pulled a soft, blue sweatshirt over my head and kept the jeans on from last night. I splashed my face with cold water and looked at myself in the mirror. I looked terrible. I took a deep breath and headed out anyway. The shop was close, so I walked. The air was chilly, as it was morning and the sun was hiding behind clouds. After a short walk, I arrived at the coffee shop and opened the door signaling a bell. I ordered a coffee, and sat down at a table by the wall.

After only about 5 minutes I heard the bell sound from the door being opened. Harry's eyes met mine when I looked up at the door. He looked just as bad as me, if not worse. My heart dropped and I all of the sudden became very nervous. What was I going to say? What was he going to say? I had no idea. I could see the guilt in his eyes as he sat down across from me.

"I'm sorry," the words came out of his mouth and I could tell he genuinely meant them, but it just wasn't good enough.

"Is that all you came to say?" I regrettably sassed.

"Well no n-no." He took a deep breath. "I need to explain what happened, it's not at all what you think."

I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion. "I'm not sure exactly what there is to think, you kissed another person while we're together." I became heated at the memory.

Guilt flashed in his beautiful blue eyes and he frowned slightly. "No, no I didn't kiss her." He paused. "Okay here's what happened. She wanted a picture so we did that, we took a picture, and then she was talking about the team and soccer or whatever and after a minute I said goodbye. And for whatever reason she kissed me. She randomly kissed me and I pushed her away and that's when I turned to see you."

He gathered himself after the long explication, and continued talking. "It's not what I wanted at all Sean, I didn't kiss her, I pushed her away. All I want is you."

I started to tear up and I had to hide a smile because I knew he wasnt lying and everything he said was true.

"I belive you and I trust you, but I just can't forget the terrible feeling I had last night." I looked him in the eye.

Harry scratched the back of his neck. "I know. I know, and I'm sorry I'll find a way to make up for it. Anything, I'll do anything for us to be okay again."

I smiled at him. I knew he didn't do anything wrong. The girl was at fault for kissing him without him saying it was okay. "I know. I love you Harry."

Harry blushed and he smiled. "I love you too. So much." He didn't kiss me for the very reason that he was respecting my boundaries at the moment, but I could tell he wanted to. "What do you say we stay in at my place today and watch a movie?" He suggested.

I nodded and we went to his place in his car. He had to drive to the coffee shop because it was a bit farther then my apartment was. I knew he didn't mind, as serious as this was for us.

Once we got there Harry led me to his bedroom by my hand. Harry paused and looked me up and down.

"Wait," he said as he went to his closet. He pulled out some sweats and a t-shirt. "These will be more comfy." He handed the clothes to me. I quickly stripped down to my boxers and slipped his clothes on. They smelled so much like him and they were incredibly soft. I smiled and hopped into bed, pulling the covers up. Harry hopped in after me and put on a movie.

We basically spent the rest if the day cuddling and watching movies and TV shows. Harry was laying on my left and I had my head laying on his chest while my arm snaked around his waist. I was so content and the night at the pub was far behind us. I could hear the sound of his heart beating rythmically. My head rose, and fell as he breathed and I knew, this I where I wanted to be.