Entwined

It's complicated

I have always been kind to her. I couldn’t help it but I want to see her smiling face. I want to erase the misery her eyes always showing. I love her and I will always be. I don’t know how it happened or why. It’s just whenever I found myself with her, my mind and heart shares a rhythm that I’ve lost and thought I couldn’t have back. I lost the reason to live life like this, but she made me look beyond.

It’s just I have a lot of things that I can’t tell her, no not yet. I want to cherish her and tell her how much she means to me, now.

We do share a lot of things like misery. We were both miserable that I can say.

I’ve learned that she’d suffered a lot from an accident and lost her life of the last four years… She can’t remember things every now and then… Well she really didn’t tell me about it, I have resources…

I love her still… I’m willing to do much for her… I just can’t tell her… I want her to be free and live once more… a life she wouldn’t regret…

I’ve chose to keep everything from her. I know that she will be happier with what we have now. I know.

She made me accept that life once again….

That why has life become complicated now?

 “Stop analyzing life. Just live it. Analysis is what makes it complicated.”

Why are we then constantly unhappy?

“Your today is the tomorrow that you worried about yesterday. You are worrying because you are analyzing. Worrying has become your habit. That’s why you are not happy.”

 But how can we not worry when there is so much uncertainty?

“Uncertainty is inevitable, but worrying is optional.”

But then, there is so much pain due to uncertainty.

“Pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional.”

If suffering is optional, why do good people always suffer?

“Diamond cannot be polished without friction. Gold cannot be purified without fire. Good people go through trials, but don’t suffer. With that experience their life become better not bitter.”

You mean to say such experience is useful?

“Yes. In every term, Experience is a hard teacher. She gives the test first and the lessons afterwards.”

But still, why should we go through such tests? Why can’t we be free from problems?

“Problems are Purposeful Roadblocks Offering Beneficial Lessons (to) Enhance Mental Strength. Inner strength comes from struggle and endurance, not when you are free from problems.”

Frankly in the midst of so many problems, we don’t know where we are heading.

“If you look outside you will not know where you are heading. Look inside. Looking outside, you dream. Looking inside, you awaken. Eyes provide sight. Heart provides insight.”

Sometimes not succeeding fast seems to hurt more than moving in the right direction. What should I do?

“Success is a measure as decided by others. Satisfaction is a measure as decided by you. Knowing the road ahead is more satisfying than knowing you rode ahead. You work with the compass. Let others work with the clock.”

In tough times, how do you stay motivated?

“Always look at how far you have come rather than how far you have to go. Always count your blessing, not what you are missing.”

What surprises you about people?

“When they suffer they ask, ‘why me?’ When they prosper, they never ask ‘Why me’ everyone wishes to have truth on their side, but few want to be on the side of the truth.”

Sometimes I ask, who I am, why am I here. I can’t get the answer.

“Seek not to find who you are, but to determine who you want to be. Stop looking for a purpose as to why you are here. Create it. Life is not a process of discovery but a process of creation.”

How can I get the best out of life?

“Face your past without regret. Handle your present with confidence. Prepare for the future without fear.”

One last question. Sometimes I feel my prayers are not answered.

“There are no unanswered prayers. At times the answer is NO. Well. Keep the faith and drop the fear. Don’t believe your doubts and doubt your beliefs. Life is a mystery to solve not a problem to resolve. Trust me. Life is wonderful if you know how to live.”

I’m not sure how she conveyed them but I made sure of her words were true. She said she busied herself with these thoughts and spends time with reading. I guess it makes her look up for the beauty of hope and that she still has hope for life…