The Growing Tree (Phan)

IV

There was always something about sidewalks that I loved. I don't know what I fell in love with as I was staring at the zooming streaks of grey, but I knew it definitely weren't the cracks and gum-infested area itself. Sure the rough feeling of concrete beneath your shoe soles is great, and the threat they pose to bare feet in the summertime is almost enticing, challenging you to walk across their solidified magmatic surface, but I liked something different, something more. I liked the undertone of sidewalks. I liked how sidewalks could undergo all kinds of weather and weights, and still remain planted on the ground, run down and decayed but still strong. They could withstand the pressure of a million people's feet, not to mention bicycles, scooters, and other kinds of childplay forms and transportation. A million people, all so different from each other; each one of them got up at different times this morning, eating different cereals; some poured their milk first, while others the cereal, which they got from different stores, in different cities shipped from all the way across the world. These very different people, with nothing in common other than the fact that their feet grazed the same walkway of cement. Not to mention how the entirety of the walkway was made up of broken rocks and sand grains; sidewalks are some of the strongest, most amazing and underappreciated neighbourhood essentials I have ever witnessed.

I think I'd like to be a sidewalk. Made of broken pieces, but still strong and efficient. Seemingly in one place, but leaving imprints all around the world. Sure people walk all over you, but if it helps them to get to where they want to be, is it that big of a sacrifice?

That would have been a very nice thought if I wasn't reminded that I was the one thinking it. I hated people. Why would I want to help them at my own expense? What other use could they be other than to use their talents to your own benefit? If you needed a nice painting, you could hire an artist, if you were sick, then you could see a doctor. Those kinds of people would find purpose in their talents and serving other people would give them some sort of meaning in life - in that case, I would be doing them a favour in using them. Isn't that why people take on their interests as full time occupations: to find a meaning to their lives? I'm not as selfish as I present myself, I think of others too. I just wish more people could understand my unorthodox logic and realize that I'm actually doing them a favour.

"What are you thinking about, Daniel?"

"Others."

"Yeah, right."

I hate Faren. I hate her so much. It was always along those lines with that incompetent woman. 'What's on your mind?' 'Anything new happening?' 'Do you remember anything?'

She should just save her breath, nothing new ever happens, and who would've known if it ever had seeing as I can't seem to remember anything from before the past 2 years. I thought she was a trained psychiatrist, if she was as good as the media makes her out to be, then she should either know how to 'cure' me or should know when it was time to stop pestering me with her empty questions which were seemingly just asking for empty answers.

However, last session seemed to be an exception to our weekly routine of quiet that had been repeated so much that it was hardly awkward anymore. Last session was filled with surprises; there was noise where silence usually resided, and for the first time, I saw Faren express some sort of emotion that was quite far, I'd say, from annoyance or pity on the emotion spectrum. She had genuinely smiled.

It was a regular session, I had walked in and sat on my green chair, which I will say, had been sat on prior to my visit as the imprint of where I usually sat was warped and twisted, setting a very uncomfortable position for my butt. It took a good 5 minutes of pushing and squirming to get the material back to its original and correct position. It probably wasn't very logical, considering the time I spent fixing the chair was longer than most of our regular sessions, but today's lasted longer than I had initially intended it to be.