MIDDLE SCHOOL AU
(suicidal, fluff, abuse)
• 14 Year Old Tyler •
Anger. In my opinion there's two types. Cold, dry anger. And hot, humid, wet anger.
Cold anger is emotionless. Whether its because you're an alcoholic (like my father) or like me, you've cried enough tears already, you just can't show emotion. Cold anger is the snide remarks, the dirty looks, the sarcastic slurs thrown out just because you can. You want to scream, yet you don't want to. Cold anger is in almost everyone's eyes these days.
Hot anger is the sobbing noises. Its the voices that keep you up at night. When your body just can't take being calm anymore hot anger surprises you and won't let go. You're shaking and you just want to break something. And right now, I'm filled with hot anger. And the thing I want to - and plan to - break is myself.
I've struggled with depression for a long time. Since my mother died when I was 6, actually. And I'm done. (A/n Josh Dun hahahahah I know I'm so funny guys) My dad found out that I'm gay today and he beat me. It wasn't even a bad beating. Definitely not bad compared to usual. Its just that I've reached my breaking point. The bullies at school were no help either. No one loves me. I'm so worthless. I need to just do it now before I chicken out, I'm such a coward. I didn't even bother writing a note. Because even if someone does find me it won't matter. They won't care. I've tried this before. I'm so retarded that I couldn't even kill myself right. Hopefully this time will be different.
I grab my backpack off of my empty desk and put the flashlight under my bed inside the bag, along with a journal and pen in case I want to write something last minute. I open my window and stick my face out, the wind feels so good. I wonder if death is nice. Probably not. But at least I'll get to see what dying really is. I shake my head before my thoughts can wander. I need to do this now. I jump out the window and land on the ground with a thud. Dad's passed out on the couch, as usual. He won't notice I'm gone. I run to the garage and grab the rope we have nestled to the side in case of emergency. I stuff it in my bag and immediately sprint toward the woods behind my house. I'm running as far as I can, and then I'll do it at daylight. At that point I should be far enough away from town.
After about a half hour the silence sets in. The night is so pretty. Its almost hypnotizing. I know I probably hadn't even gotten more than a few miles away, heck people from school might live around here, but I give up on walking any further, as the only houses I've seen for a while are spread apart farmhouses. I lean up against a tall thick tree, pull out my notebook, and start to write.
We all know somebody who knows somebody who's doing great,
I know some people who know people who are flying straight,
But I'll kindly enter into rooms of depression,
While ceiling fans and idle hands will take my life again.
It's crap, I know, but writing comforts me. Hey, if someone ever finds my body they can take the notebook and look through my life I guess.... I guess I'll never finish that poem.
I grab my rope and flashlight and start looking for a nice thick branch. I find one about 13 or 14 feet off the ground. I begin to look for a way to climb up when I hear a twig snap. Shit. I desperately swing my flashlight around looking for the source of the sound. About 20 or so meters into the thick wood is a pair of glowing eyes. I stand there, frozen, as the owner of the eyes walks closer. Its a guy from school. I don't know him, we don't talk, but I'm about half certain his name is Josh.
"Hi?" he says it more like a question.
"Hello..."
"What're you doing in my backyard?" I cringe and look down. Suddenly all of the emotions from earlier today, and all my life really, come flooding out, I explain everything to Josh. Everything. I shouldn't have, I told him the part about me beng gay. Josh was popular. I'm so dumb.
Josh looks up at me, "Your name is Tyler, right?"
"Yes."
"OK" he smiles genuinely.
"Aren't you going to beat me up because I'm gay?"
"Of course not silly."
As tears continue to fall down my cheeks he pulls me in and I sob into his shoulder for about a half hour. Once I calm down I look up into his eyes. They're so deep. I can't keep my eyes off of him. I gulp loudly and continue to stare.
"Hey Tyler.."
"Hm?" I'm pulled out of my daydream.
"You look really beautiful right now." Before I can question him his lips are on mine. Its short and sweet and then its over.
Josh bites his lip "I'm so sorry... I-"
I cut him off and jump on top of him, kissing him harder. He smiles into my mouth as the kiss becomes more passionate. I smile back.
• 2 years later •
I'm sitting under the same tree where Josh Dun saved me. I told him I had a surprise. I finished the poem I wrote him. I handed him my journal and he read it. Tears began to stream down his face... he looked up at me and closed the book.
"Tyler Joseph... I love you so much"
"I love you too."
"So, I'm the glowing eyes?" He said with a smirk.
"Yes, and I never want to say goodbye to you, Joshua Dun. Never."
We all are stranger creatures than when we all started out as kids,
Culture forbids,
We have romantic fantasies about what dying truly is,
Fall off the grid.
We live for the night's decor,
It reveals what we dream of.
I know there's someone at the door,
They called for help, of this I'm sure,
But do I want to say goodbye to all the glowing eyes,
I'm holding on to what I know,
And what I know, I must let go,
But I would rather play a song for the eyes to sing along.
We all know somebody who knows somebody who's doing great,
I know some people who know people who are flying straight,
But I'll kindly enter into rooms of depression,
While ceiling fans and idle hands will take my life again.
We live for the night's decor,
It reveals what we dream of.
I know there's someone at the door,
They called for help, of this I'm sure,
But do I want to say goodbye to all the glowing eyes,
I'm holding on to what I know,
And what I know, I must let go,
But I would rather play a song for the eyes to sing along.
This room is far too dark for us to stay around,
Redemption's not that far and darkness is going down.
I'm holding on to what I know,
And what I know, I must let go,
But I would rather play a song for the eyes to sing along
For the eyes to sing along
Make them stop
(A/N I'm sorry if that was awful, I just felt like writing. Its kinda short but eh ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Anyways, have a nice day :)! )
