Fighting to Survive: The 3rd installment to Daring to Feel

Chapter 10: Emptiness

We get out of city and into the farm lands, finding somewhere open to bury Beth. We hold a funeral for her. Father Gabriel says a few words, citing the bible as Maggie cries for her loss, "we look not at what can be seen, but we look at what cannot be seen. For what can be seen is temporary, but what cannot be seen is eternal. For we know that if the earthly tent we live in is destroyed, we have a building from God, a house not made with hands, eternal in the heavens."

Rick, Glenn, Michonne, Tyreese and Noah make their way towards Noah's home. The rest of us trail behind in our car, saving the gas in case it's not there and we need to keep going. We wait to hear from them and after we do, letting us know they are going for it, Daryl pulls me to the side, "I'm gonna look for somethin' to eat, yew comin'?"

"No, I'm gonna stay here with Maggie." I tell him quietly.

"Iight." He nods back kissing my softly on the lips and leaving.

I go back to the car, open the door and sit next to her with my feet still on the ground. The Georgia heat blasting into the car, I recommend we move it under some shade. After Carol does, everyone else leaves the car, only Maggie and I stay in it with the windows down, "she saved my life, I haven't had a chance to tell you that yet."

"That doesn't make her any less dead" she retorts back without looking at me.

"you're right, I know." I return, not really knowing what the point of me sharing that was, "I don't know how much you know about me, but I lost a little sister too, I lost her a long time ago." I tell her.

"How long ago?" She asks, now turning her head to look at me.

I push my lips together trying to think, "over 20 years ago, we were kids." I say.

"I'm sorry" she says back sincerely.

I shake my head, "thanks, you don't have to be though. I know it doesn't really do anything to make you feel better. That's why I haven't said it to you, it won't change things." I return.

"Then why tell me she saved you, if you weren't trying to make me feel better?" She asks.

I smirk, "because maybe you won't feel better now, but one day you'll think about it and hopefully it will make you feel better then." I explain, "she didn't just save me, she saved Daryl, she saved Noah, and she saved herself. And that's just who I know right now. Your little sister touched so many people in this world, she'll never be forgotten." Tears are falling down her face as she listens to me, "you can't give up Maggie, she wouldn't let you." I put my hand on her leg to encourage her.

"but she's not here" she chokes out through the tears, wiping them away with her hand, "it's so hard" she gets out.

"I know it is, and although it may get easier to live with, that's just what you have to do, live with it. The pain won't go away, you'll just learn how to deal with it." I tell her. She looks down to my arms, covered in sleeves but I know what she's referring too, "and I can tell you from experience, that's not a good way to deal with it, it causes more pain than comfort in the long run."

Her head nods a little, "thanks Sadie" she says sighing out heavily. I just smile back and leave her in the car. I walk over to Carl, whose trying to keep Judith comfortable in the heat.

I sit down next to him, putting my back against the tree trunk, "need anything?" I ask him closing my eyes to rest them.

"Better off asking if I don't need something." he says sarcastically back.

I look at him with one eye open, "you're right," I mumble back, "want me to hang on to her for a bit?" I ask.

"No, that's alright." he denies the offer.

I close my eyes again, "suit yourself" and try to drift to sleep to help pass the time.

"Hey, hey! Wake-up!" something wet wakes me up and I open my eyes in a panic.

I look around and everyone is surrounding me, "what's going on?" I ask them tiredly.

Carl answers me first, "you weren't waking up, you really scared us" his face shows the concern.

"are you feeling alright?" Carol asks me, head tilted.

I nod, "I feel fine, just a bit thirsty." I lie to them, "may I?" I ask reaching my hand towards Sasha and the water she is holding. She nods, handing it to me and I take a big swig. I'm not just thirsty, but starving. My stomach is completely empty, as I've been passing off a lot of my food to Carl and Judith. "Thanks" I smile gratefully towards her while handing it back, "let's not tell Daryl, alright?" I ask everyone standing in front of me

"Sayd--" Carol hums out.

But I interrupt her from continuing, "he'll stop going off and looking for food, we need him to stay focused, please?" I plea with them.

"Alright" she smiles back faintly, knowing I'm right.

"Thank you" I say to them and they all start to move away.

Daryl gets back a little while later, "nothing" he says to me defeated when I meet him out in an open field.

I put my hand on his arm, "that's alright, you'll find somethin'"

We begin to walk back, "yew doin okay? Ya look flushed" he puts his hand on my forehead.

I move my head away from his hand, "I'm fine, just hot" I tell him, "still recovering from the accident."

He grabs his canteen and passes it over to me, "here" he offers it to me.

I take it from him but realize it's barely down any from before he left, "Daryl, you didn't have any" I thrust it back towards him, "come on, you're going to get dehydrated"

"I'm iight, yew have it" he doesn't take it.

"No, you have some first, then I will" I bargain with him.

He rolls his eyes but takes the canteen from my hand. He twists open the lid in one swift movement and takes a small gulp, "your turn" he hands it back to me and I take a small gulp as well. The rest of the afternoon we hang around, waiting for Rick and the others to let us know about Noah's home, "you think it's still standing?" I ask out loud.

"No" Carl says quickly, "my dad would've told us by now." Although I don't want to believe him, he has a point.

"It could still be there" Daryl disagrees, "they could be figuring somethin' out right now, making sure it's safe."

"Hes' right, it can still be there" I agree with Daryl out loud, although inside I agree with Carl.

Abraham speaks up from behind us, "doesn't give two shits either way if we can't handle ourselves out here. Got a mini heard comin' our way" he grabs our attention, pointing out towards the hill we came from earlier.

We all get up quickly, grabbing our weapons and preparing to attack them, "Carl, take Judith and get in the car." Maggie directs the young boy.

"No." He argues adjusting the baby on his hip, "I can help! You take her" he tries to pawn the baby off on me.

"What? No. I'm going to help. Do what Maggie said, get in the car, this won't take long." I argue back with him.

Carl gives me a look and steps a bit closer to me, "take Judith or i'll tell Daryl" He whispers to me, "you're still weak, use that as the excuse."

My eyes open wide with his threat and he just looks at me like he didn't just blackmail me. I sigh, lowering my knife and taking the baby from him, "fine" I grit through my teeth at the teenager. I make my way to the car, hopping into the back seat and watching as they move towards the mini heard to take it out.