Fighting to Survive: The 3rd installment to Daring to Feel

Chapter 11: Unhelpful Holiness

They return before night fall. Sasha falls to the ground in a heap when Rick gives her the news that Tyreese didn't make it. She stays with her brothers body as the others dig a grave for him. Gabriel says something again, another ceremony for another part of our family gone and we begin to move after covering him and marking a grave.

We've been moving for weeks now, just trying to stay ahead of the walkers. The place Noah once called home is gone, taking a week of our time just to get there. We are no closer to being safe somewhere behind walls. We drive for a bit, stopping to sleep in the cars along the way to anywhere. The next day we stop along the road, splitting up to try and scrounge up something, anything to eat. Daryl digs through the dirt, trying to find some bugs, "here we go" he digs his hands through and pulls a juicy pink worm out of the ground.

"Here.." he goes to offer it to me.

I shake my head, pursing my lips together, "eww, no way!" I push his hand back.

"Aw come on Sadie-Mae, it ain't gon' hurt you" he holds it by one end putting it closer to my face.

He smiles wickedly at me while I squirm trying to get it away from me, "I'd rather eat the dirt! stop!" I laugh as he dangles it in front of my face.

"Suit yourself, princess" he chuckles back throwing his head backwards and tossing it into his mouth. He swallows it in one gulp, "tastes like chicken" he winks at me before digging in the dirt again.

Rick whistles a few minutes after that, signaling it's time to move on, "guess that's all for now." I wipe my hands down on my jeans to try and get the dirt off.

Daryl comes over to me, "when's the last time you ate somethin'?" He asks.

I shrug trying to think back, "Carl gave me some of the nuts he found earlier. I'm good" I smile back to him. It's true, he did give me some, but I only ate a few, refusing to take more than he did. He's a growing teenager, his body needs it more than I do.

"Come here" Daryl pulls me close to him, wrapping an arm around my shoulder as we walk to the group. I smile, feeling content with how things are between us, even as we struggle to survive.

He tries to lean down and kiss me but I push him away, "ew, no, you just ate that worm!" I squish my nose up.

He gives in, kissing me on the cheek instead and we are the last ones to get back to the group. We tap the gas out of both vehicles, leaving us to go on foot, "we're not at our strongest." I hear Rick tell Daryl from the front of the group, "we'll get 'em when it's best. High ground, something like that." He looks back at us, then behind at the walkers trailing us, "they're not going anywhere" then back to Daryl "it's been three weeks since Atlanta. I know you lost something back there."

Judith begins to fuss and Daryl takes that opportunity to change the subject, "she's hungry" he says to her father.

"She's okay. She's going to be okay." He assures him.

He looks back at me and I give him a weak smile, "we need to find water, food." He tells Rick.

"We'll hit something in the road. It's gonna rain sooner or later." He says, although the sky is clear blue with white clouds he tries to stay optimistic.

"I'm gonna head out." Daryl says to him, slowing up his steps so he's closer to me, "see what I can find."

Rick nods his head and I add on, "hey, don't be too long."

Daryl nods to me, telling me he won't and starts to walk off, "I'll go with you." Carol goes to follow him.

"I got it." He declines.

"You gonna stop me?" She asks back and he doesn't. They leave as the rest of us dredge on forward.

As we move along, I hear Maggie lash out at Gabriel. Although I don't really trust the guy, I feel for him. I know she's hurting right now and may not mean the things she is saying so I reach out to him, "she saw her father killed in front of her. Brutally at that." I say as he slowly approached me. I stop my feet, letting Maggie get far enough ahead of us so she can't hear, just to be safe, "she may not need help now, but I think she'll come around sooner or later."

"And why do you think that?" He asks me.

"Her father and sister both believed in God, and she did too, that's not something that just goes away. At least, I don't think it can be. You either believe or you don't, if you doubt it, that's still believing, it's just struggling." I try and explain.

"What do you believe?" He asks me.

I look at him, wondering how it turned so quickly to me but decide to answer him anyway, "I don't believe in God. If there was a God, then this world wouldn't have been so shitty even before all this mess."

"You don't think He has a plan for everything? That this is some kind of judgement?" More questions escape his lips.

"If this was a judgement call, I'd be long dead when this started." I spit back.

"You did something to believe that about yourself, but God forgives and so should you." He tries to encourage me.

I shake my head, "maybe you can take your own advice." I smirk and quicken my pace to end the conversation. I've only been around him for a bit, but it's clear he's holding something over his own head, I've lived that way most my life.

We make it to the end of a small bridge. The incline high enough for Rick to want to take out the walkers we have trailing us. Carl stays back with Rosita, Tara, and Noah to protect the others in case some come out from the woods. Gabriel, Judith, and Eugene not able or willing to fight. The rest of us line up, ready to let them at us. The plan is to wait until they try and attack and then move aside, letting them tumble down the hill. We are only suppose to take them out if they are an immediate threat. Glenn gets the first one, and it falls quickly when he sidesteps. Another comes after Michonne and the same thing happens. Sasha goes forward towards them, grabbing one by the neck and stabbing it through the chin, "Sasha!" Michonne tries to call out to her but she doesn't respond.

I look to Rick for his call, "stay in line." He directs, "flank her" he moves to take out another dead head "keep it controlled."

And just like that we all move towards them to kill them. Abrham comments from in front of me, "plan just got dicked!"

I take one out, my body already tired but I keep moving, backing up anyway I need to. Michonne tries to stop Sasha, grabbing her arm, "stop" she says loudly, "just get out of here." But Sasha grips her arm out of her grasp and takes out another. I take another one out and as I turn to retreat my arm gets sliced with a knife. I look over at Sasha, whose swaying from exhaustion. One goes to get her from behind but I kick it back and jump on top of it. I slice its brains out and look up to see Michonne take out the last one, "I told you to stop" she growls at Sasha whose on the ground next to me.

As we continue our walk we come across a few cars stranded in the road, "Dad, look" Carl is the first one to point them out.

I look over my shoulder to Tara and shrug, hoping for something, "I'm gonna head into the woods, circle back." Daryl tells us.

"May I come with?" I ask him, wanting to stay close to him.

"No." he declines, "No, just me." and he leaves quickly.

We walk to the cars, splitting up to check them out. After clearing the cars and coming up empty handed, Rick decides it's as good a place as any to set up for the night. We all sit on the dirt, thinking whatever it is you think when you're this tired and hungry.