Fighting to Survive: The 3rd installment to Daring to Feel

Chapter 21: Falling Apart

"Where you guys going?" I ask as Michonne and Rosita go to leave the front door. Pete closed up early again, slow day. And this time, he had a hangover to nurse.

"Out for Sasha, she hasn't been back all night." Michonne tells me as she walks past.

I grab the bow from against the wall where its been sitting since we've been here and follow them, "I'll help."

Abraham opens the gate for us and we walk out, Rosita taking the lead. We walk a bit into the woods, "it's up ahead." She comments as we move.

"She told you about it?" I ask her.

Rosita explains, "I saw her going out one day with her rifle. I knew somebody was already in the tower, "I asked." I shrug her explanation off.

We hear footsteps move quickly somewhere around us and we all halt, raising our weapons. We point them in different directions, not sure where it came from. A few moments of silence goes by before we calm down and keep moving, "it's the first time I've been out since we've been here." I say as we go.

"Me, too." Rosita returns.

"Same here," Michonne adds, "it already feels different."

"That's good." Rosita says.

I shake my head and Michonne answers back, "I don't know."

"After Eugene, after finding out he lied, I was screwed up because I lost something." Rosita speaks slowly, "you seem screwed up because we found something."

She looks at Michonne when she says that and I am relieved internally she's not directing it towards me. Ever since the night in the shower with Daryl things have been different, he's been different and I don't know how to be around him now. "Noah's dead. And I think-- I just feel like I was asleep in there." Nichole says. Noah died the day before, the people from Alexandria putting other people from our group at risk as well.

"You were trying to forget so you could try." She returns to her.

"I don't want to forget." Michonne argues back.

I comment now, "so don't, but that doesn't mean you have to give up." I encourage her.

Rosita adds on, "you didn't bring your sword with you. That's not nothing." Michonne thinks about that for a moment while Rosita and I keep walking.

Michonne stops, looking down at a deadhead, "got it in the back of the head."

"Had to be her." Rosita comments, "back of the head."

"She's hunting them" I say solemnly and we slow our pace.

We see her through some tree's and Michonne walks towards her with purpose, "Sasha," she calls out.

Sasha's shoulders go up and down with a quick sigh, "go back." She demands without turning towards us.

"What are you doing?" I ask her.

She takes a few steps forward, "I'm sick of playing defense."

Michonne follows directly behind us, "so you're just gonna take on all of them?"

"Yeah," she answers back instantly.

We stay with her, and a few of the dead come barreling towards us. Sasha throws her bag on the floor and starts shooting them off one by one with her rifle.

"We've got to get out of here." Rosita comments looking forward.

"You do, I don't." Sasha snarls. I stand tapping my foot against the dirt, worried about the numbers ahead of us. After awhile Michonne lifts up her gun and begins to take them out as well, "I don't need your help!" Sasha yells towards her.

"This isn't for you." Michonne returns.

Rosita looks at me as I look at her and we both get ready to attack. She stabs one with her knife and I pull up at my bow, letting the release come back naturally to me. Eventually, all of the bodies are on the ground. I pant, letting the relief wash over me and turn to see Michonne standing over Sasha, "I had it," She growls and slaps at Michonne's open hand, "don't need your help." She gets up off the ground by herself, "I told you to go." We all just stare at her, her rage continuing to build up, "you" She points her finger in Michonne's face, "you can't do anything. It worked out for you." Her gaze turns to me, "you and Daryl.. worked out fine." She looks between all of us, "don't you see that? You can't help me. Nobody..." She pauses there, her anger turning to something else. She tries to fight back tears from forming, "Noah." She says as we wait for her to go on, "I told him he wouldn't make it."

None of us answer her and eventually she just brushes shoulders as she walks past us, "I'm heading back." I tell Rosita and Michonne before they go to follow her further into the woods.

"We can't just leave her out here, she's enraged!" Rosita comments.

I shrug, "she doesn't need my help, she's right. There's nothing I can do anyway. She'll come back soon enough." I explain.

"Alright, head back, tell Abraham we'll be back within the hour and to keep an eye out for us." Michonne nods to me and I turn my back to go back to town.

Once inside I go and shower off the little dirt and blood I got on me from being outside of the walls again. I try to remind myself what it used to be like before this. Being out there again reminded me how things used to be. The dangers that lurked around every corner, the worry when I'd go to sleep each night. I need this place more than I thought I did. While I dry my hair I hear the door slam shut and turn off the dryer to go downstairs. When I get down there, I hear a faint commotion in the street. I grab a jacket and run outside. I get along side Carl as Rick yells out towards Deanna, "you wish things weren't what they are. Well, you want to live? You want this place to stay standing?" I hear a gunshot from behind me and I look to the tower and see a rifle peaking out, "your way of doing things is done. Things don't get better because you-- you want them to. Starting right now, we have to live in the real world. We have to control who lives here." Rick tells her, his face covered in blood.

"That's never been more clear to me than it is right now." Deanna returns.

"Me? Me? You.." He chuckles a little, "you mean-- you mean me?" Even from behind, I can tell he's furious, "your way is gonna destroy this place. It's gonna get people killed. Its already gotten people killed. And I'm not gonna stand by and just let it happen." His voice continues to raise, "if you don't fight, you die. I'm not gonna stand by.."

He doesn't get to finish what he is saying though as Michonne appears from the side and clocks him in the back of the head. He falls to the ground in a heap and Michonne stands over him, staring back at the leader of Alexandria, "let's get him inside." She tilts her head back towards Carl and I and we move forward to help lift him. Glenn comes over to help as well and the four of us try to lift him to bring him back to the house while the others take care of Pete who he was fighting.

We barely get him off the ground when Deanna shouts back to us, "put him next door." Abraham walks over to us a few moments later, taking the place of myself and Carl. Once inside, Michonne decides to stay and wait for him to wake up and the rest of us leave.