when you left

before you

before you, there was only a steeplechase and stories made from afar. before you, i thought i already knew what love is. i never told you about this but i have always thought i fell in love with a boy. he's a goofball, quick-tempered like you but sad. you're blue, too, in your own way but he's the problematic type. many admired him and i was one of them, i thought i could save him. maybe, i developed this savior complex from admiring him for a long time. i waited for him for two years and when i met you, i was close to forgetting him and i did. when you started making me smile, i rarely thought of him. that is when i knew i've never fallen in love before. not at least before you. there was only an admiration from behind the closed doors and windows, definitely nothing like ours. this—everything we shared, i cut myself open and vulnerable. i stepped out of my way for you. i was comfortable in the dark before you showed me the light and when you left, it became too blinding to see what's around. i needed you around, you make everything worth trying. i was there somewhere in the middle of nowhere. I was deep in between trying and quitting. i quitted for a month and tried to live a life without you. i woke up everyday thinking maybe this is the day i live life. but, i'm only happy when it's daytime because at night, i carry the realization that you were the only one who made me feel so alive.