Freefall (Things I Should've Said But Wrote Down Instead)

Prologue

It's all in there, inside my head. Somehow, I know it's the right thing to think, and eventually, the right thing to say. But the words get stuck in my throat, and I end up saying nothing at all.

I have no idea what is wrong with me. Am I lacking the courage? Probably. Because that's what always happens. I am never too brave to let anyone know what I'm thinking. Every single time, it just stays bottled up inside of me, never surfacing, and I keep to myself the thoughts that deserve to be heard.

Deep down, I know that if I release these string of ideas, people will see me more differently, as someone who is not afraid to spell out what her heart wishes to speak. But that is not me. I decide to dissolve into the background and listen. In truth, I am more of a listener than a speaker, but that doesn't mean I don't analyze things and contemplate in issues. I do, it's just that, like I always tell you, I am in need of encouragement to make me say the things I need to let out.

I know the crucial importance of being open to others about my thoughts. Mostly, I choose the people who I share my ideas with, people whom I trust, people whom I am not afraid of.

Lastly, there are just things that allow my heart to govern my brain, especially when a spectrum of emotions blast me off my feet and make me lose my head in the clouds. I may speak less, but I think too much. So instead of speaking, I surrender my heart to my hands, and I craft out a collection of ideas and thoughts from what my heart wants me to feel and what my brain tells me to say.

I take risks with my feelings, and I jump off, allowing myself to freefall, without really knowing where to land, except maybe down. But I don't care.