Canvas (Peterick)

Seven

November 2009
Patrick Stump

'Hey,' Elisa greeted me, pressing her painted red lips to mine. She closed her door and I took an uncomfortable seat on the tough sofa. My heart raced with nerves. 'I'm cooking dinner,' she said, running her fingers through my soft blond hair. 'Lisa,' I murmured, swallowing hard. 'There's something I have to tell you.' She took the seat next to me, a look of worry on her face. 'What is it?' I stared off at the floor, examining the pattern in the hardwood. I waited a moment, hesitating to tell her the story. 'I love you, okay?' I said. 'I love you too..." she trailed off, knowing I had other things to say. I bit down strongly on my lip, pressing teeth marks into it. I needed to tell her. I couldn't live a lie my whole life. 'Earlier... Pete almost kissed me.' Elisa was quiet. Her expression changed in the corner of my eye. 'Are you serious?' I nodded, dropping my face into my hands. 'But I didn't stop him.' Elisa stood up, angrier than I have ever seen her. 'Patrick, what the fuck are you talking about? You kissed Pete?' 'No, not exactly.' She crossed her arms, keeping her place in front of me. 'Then explain, because I don't understand what you're trying to tell me.' I couldn't move. I just wanted to curl into a ball on the couch and forget anything happened. 'Pete leaned in to kiss me, and for some reason I wasn't thinking and I almost let him. Until you called. My phone rang and it all stopped. I regret it, Elisa, I do.' She paced the room, her face red and heated. 'So you didn't stop him, I did. Is there something going on between you two? Are you in love with Pete?' 'No, Elisa, I'm in love with you.' She sighed shakily, pressing her palm to her forehead. 'You obviously feel something for him if you didn't stop him from kissing you. Listen, I didn't know you were bi, and I have no problem with it as long as you don't kiss a guy while you're engaged to me. The wedding's off, Patrick.' I shot upward defiantly. 'You can't just say that, that's a mutual decision!' 'Until you can find yourself in your right mind, we're not having the wedding, okay? I can't marry you knowing you love someone else.' 'But Elisa—' She held up a hand, and I watched a tear fall from the side of her cheek. This is not how it was supposed to be. She wasn't supposed to call off the wedding, and I didn't mean to make her cry. I just wanted to mention the event that took place earlier in the day — I just wanted her to be aware of it. 'I don't want to break up,' she said, more salty tears developing in her eyes. 'But you make me feel like we have to.' That crushed me. The thought of breaking up, especially over what somebody else did. I held her close in my arms, my tears spilling over into her hair. 'Please,' I whispered. She shook her head into my shoulder slightly. 'I can't trust you right now.' I tightened my grip around her thinking I could show how much she could trust me in the hug, but I soon realized it was impossible and dropped my arms back to my sides. 'Please leave,' she uttered, crossing her arms vulnerably. A whimper slipped from my lips as I dragged myself toward the door. I slumped myself on the floor against the wall across from her door, in hopes she'd open it and beg me to come back inside. I pictured her pressing her ear to the other side of the door and listen to my suffering. She was probably enjoying whatever dinner she was making for the two of us. Maybe she was still crying, curled up on the sofa like how I wanted to be, letting the food burn in the oven. I picked myself up from the carpeted floor and carried myself to an elevator. I sat at the steering wheel of my car until I decided I was too much of a mess to drive. So I took a cab back to the apartment where I lived with Pete. The cab driver recognized me, even with my blond hair. He asked why I was so upset but I told him not to worry about it.

-

Pete was my comfort. He refrained me from thinking about the Elisa, the wedding, and reflecting back on the fight. And each day I fell deeper in love with him. With every glance, every kiss, and every fuck I loved him more each day than I did the last. He'd been there long before Elisa had, through every up and down in my life he was there, and I couldn't believe it took me until then to realize it. He pulled me together when I fell apart. He was better than her, than any girl that I ever loved. He was what I needed all along.