fireworks. (royce)

i

It was the Fourth of July. You and I were fireworks that went off too soon. I miss you in the June gloom, too.

It was July Fourth when Jacob and I kissed for the first time. Underneath the crackling and popping fire show that lit up the sky, illuminating our faces and everyone around us. We'd gone to the ball park to attend the show, sitting down on a field that was nearby, with tons of other people who were all here for the same thing.

I was the one who wanted to watch the fireworks, Jacob was more keen on staying inside, watching them on TV. It took me promising that this night was going to be worth it. I didn't know we were going to kiss until we did.

I always knew Jacob was pretty, he had these really entrancing eyes that were always enhanced by his mascara covered eyelashes. That's the only make up he would ever wear, saying that he liked the way the black helped bring out his eyes. I agreed. I always knew Jacob was pretty, but the way his eyes widened with excitement when they saw the bright colors and the way his bottom lip caught between his teeth made him look even prettier. I made the move to kiss him first, my actions faltering when he looked at me, a bewildered expression falling across his features.

"What're you doing?" He had asked.

"N-Nothing, I wasn't doing anything! Never mind!" I blushed and looked away, tilting my head up so I could use the fire works as an excuse to look at something other than him. "The, uh... Um, the fireworks are beautiful..."

"Almost as much as you".

I had laughed, murmuring quietly that "no, they weren't". I wasn't all that beautiful, there was nothing special about me, and there never would be. I was simply Chresanto, a college sophomore who was majoring in music because it was something that came naturally to me. Jacob was the beautiful one, not me.

He'd kissed me then, a soft, gentle kiss on the lips that slowly became something more, all the while not losing the soothing pace. Jacob was a fire, I'd already known that, but I was taken aback at the way my stomach had filled with butterflies, their wings colliding and knocking them about. My fingers had began to shake in between my exhilaration.

I had no idea what kissing Jacob would be like but it was very similar to watching a firework shoot up into the sky. I was waiting, and waiting, and waiting for something to happen, beginning to grow wary when it was taking a bit too long. In a split second, however, things had changed, the feeling had burst through, it took my breath away.

Jacob had laughed after pulling away, cupping my face in his hands and gently brushing the pad of his thumb against my bottom lip.

"Did you feel it too?" He had whispered, which I remember staring at him for a few seconds, wondering what he was saying because everything around us was just too loud.

"Yes".

"You and I, babe... We're fireworks".

It was in the middle of June now, and even though it was Summer and everyone around me was smiling and laughing because they were happy, I wasn't. I didn't smile or laugh all that often before I met Jacob, but I did when we were dating, and now I don't anymore.

Summer was always an odd season for me, it was perceived as a happy season, but the chemicals in my brain couldn't see it that way. I could never fully enjoy summer the way others could, but then again they didn't have a chemical imbalance like I do.

I was staring out of the window of my apartment, the end of my pencil nestled in between my teeth. Jacob had always hated when I chewed on my pencils, but it was something I always did when I was thinking. Leo, my orange Tabby, was sitting at my sock clad feet, purring quietly as he rubbed his face against my ankle.

It was raining outside, the loud thunder shook the walls and rattled the picture frames, and lightning lit up the room periodically. I liked to sit in the dark when it rained, Jacob would often find me sitting by myself, sulking because sometimes that's all I would ever do.

It was gloomy outside, the perfect weather to work on a few songs. I pulled my pencil from my mouth, sighing softly because all I could think about was Jacob and how much I missed him.

Jacob had told me we were fireworks, we were combustible chemicals that caused a spectacular light show. I'd heard on the news the year before that during a celebration, the fireworks had been lit but they went off faster than expected. 

Maybe the same thing happened between Jacob and I, we were fireworks that went off too soon. We did more damage than we ever thought we could.