fireworks. (royce)

w

I'm starting to forget just what Summer ever meant to you. What did it ever mean to you?

Summer was always Jacob's favorite season, he said he liked how nice the weather was and how everyone would spend their time outside and not cooped up in the house all day.

Jacob would talk about Summer all of the time, about all of the things he used to do when he was younger, like how he would go to camp and make new friends, or the year where he went to the beach back in high school. I wish I could remember all of what he said, but those are the only two things that have ever stuck with me.

"I'm starting to forget things about him" I whispered, rubbing at my eyes as I sat at my desk. Leo wasn't by my feet, this time he was on the bed, licking at his paws. "I wish I could remember".

A loud knock on my door broke me from my stupor, Leo meowed but didn't move. I stood up and walked out of the room, wondering who it could be because I didn't have a lot of friends. When I opened the front door I didn't say anything, I just looked between the two people who were standing in front of me.

Rayan and Elijah were Jacob's friends, not mine.

"Hey" Elijah smiled, "we were in the neighborhood and just thought that maybe we could stop by, see how you were doing".

"Yeah, you know it's been a while since we last saw you. After you and Jacob ended things, you just stopped coming around".

"Sorry" I apologized, picking at my sweater.

"Can we come in?"

"I... Yeah, sure... I guess".

This was weird.

I let them in because it was the polite thing to do, I liked Rayan and Elijah, I had nothing against them. Ever since Jacob introduced me to them, they've been nothing but nice to me. I knew that if they weren't Jacob's friends, they wouldn't speak to me though.

"Where's Leo?" Elijah asked curiously.

"I'll go and get him".

I left the living room and picked up Leo from my bed before returning, I didn't know if Elijah wanted to hold him but I gave Leo to him anyway. He didn't seem to mind Elijah holding him, so that was good. Leo liked to claw at people who he didn't like, sometimes he would claw at me, but I wouldn't get too upset with him because I could understand why he wouldn't like me. I didn't like me, so it was something we had in common.

"What's been going on since the last time we saw you?"

"Nothing".

"Do you still sing at the bar?"

"Yeah".

"Do you still... Clean the bathroom sink?"

"Yeah".

"Oh".

"It's nice to see you though, Chres".

Chres. I liked the nickname. Jacob would call me Chressy, I liked that nickname better, just because it was Jacob who had made it up.

"What else have you been doing this summer? Any plans to go any places, visit family?"

"I, uh... I don't think so..."

"Oh".

This was why I didn't invite a lot of people over to my apartment, and why I didn't have much friends. I didn't know how to talk to people. I was awkward.

"Well Elijah and I are trying to plan out a trip, we could go to the beach again, like we did last year. You remember when we sat on the beach and had that bonfire, and we lit all of those paper lanterns?"

I nodded.

"We wrote our worries on them and literally watched our worries float away" Elijah smiled, "that was pretty fun".

I remembered that, I wouldn't let Jacob see what I wrote on my lantern because I knew he would get upset with what I had written.

"Do you guys remember what Summer was like for Jacob?" I asked, "what it meant to him?"

They glanced at each other, both of them looked equally confused.

"We don't understand".

"Never mind" I bit my lip and picked at my sweater some more, "it doesn't matter".

I wrote on my lantern that I was worried that I would still be around next Summer, I remember watching it float into the air and praying that I wasn't. I must not have prayed hard enough because I was still here and I still didn't want to be.