"You and I were fireworks that went off too soon".
A short story based on two boys whose relationship started off with a bang, crackle, pop, but slowly diminished to nothing but a fizzle.
(A/N: This chapter may be triggering for some readers, there is self-harm involved in this chapter).
My 9 to 5 is cutting open old scars.
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
The first time Jacob saw my scars, he didn't know what to do. He tried touching them, but I wouldn't let him because mixed in with the old ones, were new ones and they were sore. I'd made him upset, he had ignored me for two weeks and the first thing he said to me when he deemed that we were back on speaking terms were the words:
"Why would you do something so permanent like that to yourself?"
"I don't know".
"Don't lie to me!" He exclaimed, frowning. "You don't like it when I lie to you, so don't lie to me".
"It makes me feel better".
"How? How does cutting open your skin make you feel better? Shit like that isn't okay".
"Don't curse at me" I had whispered, rubbing at my eyes because they were beginning to become wet with my tears. "Don't do that".
Jacob ran a hand through his hair as he sighed, "I'm sorry, I just don't understand how you could hurt yourself like that, you're too pretty to be leaving marks on yourself".
"It just helps..."
"I don't... I don't understand..."
"I know, Jacob, I know you don't" I remember looking at him through my tears, "and I really hope that you never do".
We didn't talk much after that, we just stayed in bed and I pointed out all of my scars to him so he wouldn't be surprised when he saw more. It was hard watching him stare at my skin like it was one of the grossest things in the world. I'm sure he didn't know that I could tell he was disgusted, or else he would've worked harder to hide it from his face. Sleeping that night was hard, I had stayed up all night thinking I should've done more to hide what I'd done to myself so I wouldn't have made Jacob so upset.
"Not now Leo!" I called, I could hear him meowing loudly on the other side of the bathroom door. "I-I'm busy".
I'd skipped out on my medicine today and now I was paying the consequences for it. I get really antsy when I don't take my meds, I feel like I can feel the anxiety crawling beneath my skin and I'll do anything to let it free.
My hands were shaking and I could barely see because of how blurry my vision was, I tried not to cry when I had something so sharp in my hand. Things could go really wrong, really fast if I couldn't see very well.
"I just... I hate where am I in life right now, Leo".
I watched the crimson liquid slowly make it's way down the bowl of the porcelain sink.
"I want Jacob back, I miss him a whole lot but he's not going to want me back because I d-didn't... I didn't try hard enough, you know? Why didn't I try hard enough? Maybe if I had... Maybe if I had upped my medicine and actually went to see a therapist or something, he would've stayed around. I don't know, I should've tried harder. I didn't try as hard a-as he did and w-we... We both know that".
My chest hurt.
I don't think I can breathe.
My hands shook and I had to drop the metal in the sink because I couldn't do it.
I left out of the bathroom so fast that I'd startled Leo, it made me feel even worse to watch him run into the living room.
"I'm sorry" I apologized, rubbing at my wrists and smearing my arm with red. I was a mess, I was a complete and utter mess and I didn't have anyone who I could talk to because I'd pushed the only person who I could trust away.
I stumbled into my room and climbed onto my bed, hiding underneath the blankets but it didn't help all that much because I was all alone. I closed my eyes and sniffled, trying my hardest to ignore the throbbing on my skin.
