"You and I were fireworks that went off too soon".
A short story based on two boys whose relationship started off with a bang, crackle, pop, but slowly diminished to nothing but a fizzle.
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Jacob would sleep over my apartment sometimes. We would share the bed and hide underneath the blanket with Leo resting on one of the pillows. Jacob was good at cuddling, he held me close to him when I needed it, and sometimes I didn't even know I needed it until I was in his arms.
My imbalance effected our relationship in the bedroom too. Most of the time I didn't want to do anything, but other times my meds were working really well and I was fine. So, yeah, sometimes we did things, a lot of times it was in the early morning because that's when I felt relatively okay. Jacob liked my body, he said there was nothing wrong with it, it was pretty, but I didn't agree all that much. I didn't like my stomach or my thighs, but he liked to leave marks there and press his fingers against the skin too. You could see my collar bones clear as day, they protruded out, but Jacob liked to kiss them gently, murmuring quietly.
I could never really catch what he said because during that time, early in the morning, I didn't like to think. I overthought a lot, my brain working too hard just because it could and because it wanted to. Jacob was good at keeping me from floating away, especially in the morning when his soft, small hands were holding me in place, making sure I didn't squirm too much.
Jacob was my anchor, he kept me grounded.
In between the heavy kisses and breathing, when we weren't too busy working each other over, Jacob liked to tell me all about how he didn't regret a thing. He wouldn't listen to me when I told him that maybe he should find someone who didn't rely on medicine to feel happy. There were loads of people at our college who went out at night and had fun. I felt like I was holding him back, he couldn't enjoy the proper college lifestyle with me.
I didn't like my voice whenever we did things early in the morning, but of course, Jacob liked everything about me that I didn't. He'd deliberately go out of his way to make me feel good just so I would cry out louder and let go of my insecurity. It was embarrassing, especially when I couldn't take anymore of Jacob and I was toppling over the edge, my toes curling and mind going blank for a handful of seconds.
"You're so pretty" Jacob had whispered when we were done and back to hiding underneath the blankets.
"You can't even see my face".
"I'm not just talking about now, I'm talking about all of the time. You're pretty all of the time".
"I don't know why you waste such nice words on someone like me".
Jacob hadn't said anything then and I was glad because I don't think I would've been able to handle what he could've said next. I remember the way we laid next to one another, our feet tangled together and not covered by the blanket because we had it pulled up too high.
"I can make us breakfast in the morning".
"It is the morning" I had whispered. "It's just early in the morning".
"I'll make breakfast later in the morning, how about that?"
