What He Left Behind

 “I think I want to go away for a little while..”  He started to walk away from me.

“Where are you going to go?” I followed him into the bedroom.

“I don’t know, some place where I can concentrate on my music. Maybe even start college.” I didn’t know what to say to that. It was what he really wanted. We have been together for almost two years. We had all these plans. I couldn’t make him leave everything that he has ever wanted for me. I didn’t say another word about it as he packed his stuff up and  walked out the door giving me a small kiss on the cheek. I let a tear fall, “It won’t be forever. I’ll come back. I promise you.”

All I could think about was the one little thing that I didn’t get to tell him. Don’t get me wrong I wasn’t going to hide it from him, but him wanting to leave was a spur of the moment decision and I knew that it was something he really wanted to do. He has talked about it his whole life. I couldn’t tell him that just to make him stay. That would be selfish, so at that moment I promised myself that I would never let myself get to the point of needing him ever again. He deserves to have a life, better than me and this baby.

-8 months later-

“Come on honey push.” All I could think about at this moment was getting this baby that I have waited so long to see out of me. The pain I was in was almost unbearable, but it was worth it to see her beautiful face. I bet she will look just like her father.  Her father… I heard that he was finally in college. My mind went back to the night that he left me.

“Okay, take a breather. Count to ten and then take a breath and give me a big push. She is finally ready to come out.” Doctor Baker said.

“I don’t know if I can push anymore.” I said laying back.

“You have to honey, but it will be worth it in the long run. This beautiful girl has to get out some way.”  That was all it took for me to get motivated again.  I grabbed my mother’s hand and squeezed hard pushing with everything in me. He still didn’t know that I was pregnant with his baby.  He has called me a few times, but I never answer. I wouldn’t know what to say to him. The sound of a baby crying brought me back out of my thoughts.

“Congratulations Ireland, she is soooo cute” Dr. Baker cooed as the cut the umbilical cord and placed her on my stomach. The tears rolled down my face, she looked just like him. Her brown hair was exactly his color and those blue eyes, nothing can describe them. She looked up at me as I cooed to her. They took her away to clean her up and I laid back as they cleaned me up. Finally she is here, but it doesn’t feel complete. My mother kissed my head, I had a feeling that she knew what I was thinking.

“He would be so proud of you.” Was all she said as she got her camera to go take pictures.  This was the moment that I have been waiting for, to name her. It hit me like a ton of bricks. Her name fell right into place as they brought her back over to me all clean and smelling good. Stella Grace. It was perfect.

“I want to name her Stella Grace.” I told my mother.

“Oh honey that is the perfect name… She looks just like her father.”

“I know, she is beautiful.” “Are you going to tell him now that she is here? That child needs a father Ireland.”

“Mom, you know how I feel about that. I’m not going to ruin his life so he can come home to support me and a baby that he probably doesn’t want. He deserves better.”

She sighed and said that she was going to go home and let me rest for a while. I don’t see why she tries to push me to tell him. It always ends the same way. I win. He wouldn’t want to come back here. I seen his mom the other day, but thankfully she didn’t see me. All I wanted to do was ask her how he was doing, but I didn’t want her to see my pregnant belly.

“Stella Grace you are beautiful” I cooed as she fell asleep.